I Am Learning To Dance

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie. ~Agnes de Mille

He leads, she follows. He controls the situation and she surrenders, totally. Through submission she feels the freedom. This is on the dance floor.

dance3She is an alpha female, fiercely independent and places no confidence nor trust in a man, any man. Anything a man can do she believes she can do better because she is his equal. In her life she finds it impossible, and stupid, to follow a man’s lead. To her, surrender and submission means a loss of control, dependence…subjection.

If there is any truth to the quote “Dance is the hidden language of the soul. ~Martha Graham”, the majority of women is living in direct contrast to our deepest, most natural desire and it is not a wonder why we are all the more miserable for it. We have fought against the very thing we yearn for most.

For all the good the feminist movement did in achieving social and political equality for women, I think it also did us a great disservice. Over the years this feminism, bra burning, girl power, Gloria Steinem, I am woman hear me roar bullshit has convinced women that we are “equal” to men and that submission/surrender equals oppression.

We have forgotten our roles and we are out of place. We no longer know how to “dance”. Men and women are trying to “lead” and the end result is frustration, loneliness, and dare I say it, bitterness.

Some blame feminisms for this ill-fated Tango while others argue it stems from necessity and is rooted in the poor examples from which we witnessed growing up. Too many male partners are not equipped to assume the lead role or they refuse to. She essentially has no choice and has operated in this mode for so long that she finds it impossible to recognize a good “dance” partner and to fall back to allow him to be a man.

She has assumed the role of aggressor and instead of being the hunted, she has become the hunter in many cases offering her goodies to catch her prey.

manandwomandancingShe is now the major bread winner in her marriage/partnership. She demands equal and fair treatment and proudly makes the declaration that she does not need a man. And here’s the irony…although she claims not to need a man, she still wants to find one who will take care of her and make her feel secure. She wants to be independent and dependant at the same time. We have become so confused about our roles and we are paying a huge price for it.

You can see her in today’s generation of young women. She is Kate Gosselin of “John & Kate Plus 8” fame (who is a ball busting shrew IMO). She is your independent sister, cousin, mother, or best girlfriend. She might even be you.

She was definitely me at one point in my life but I’ve grown tired of fighting in direct opposition to what is natural.

A friend said to me that “time is both cruel and liberating”. If you are wise time will also teach you a few things. It is teaching me to pursue my deepest desires. It is teaching me how to dance. It is teaching me to submit – and through submission comes freedom.

To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak. – Hopi Indian Saying

19 thoughts on “I Am Learning To Dance

  1. This topic has come up in a few of my conversations lately. You hit all of the salient points. This is a lesson I too had to learn as my grey hairs have come.

  2. Thank you for this post. I have been married for 14 years and could never figure out why things are going as smoothly as they should. It’s time I learned how to dance.

  3. hey huneyface—havent seen you in a long time–hope thingsare going your way–stop by and see me anytime–my door is always open to family—love you—remain blessed!!!!

  4. @ Christy – soror stop waiting on a “hero”, which indicates you’re waiting on someone to “SAVE” you. Save yourself that heartache. I do understand how you feel though. Keep your head up!

  5. Gotta say that I am totally surprised. I should not have been surprised that you wrote this piece with such elegance and finesse, as your style is unequaled. I am more surprised to hear you say that you are “going to learn to dance”. Kudos on the decision and kudos on the brilliance with which this piece was written. I am in awe. peace.

  6. WOW! Beautiful, breath taking!! Symbolism and all!!!

    This is an amazingly beautiful, well written “bitter-sweet” surprise of the state of existance! Refreshing to know that I (as a woman too) am not alone in the amazing “visual” you describe. My innate desire to fulfill the role we should embrace and honor as women– well.. you have certainly captured. Our role in womanhood, should be cherished, accepted, fulfilled AND supported because I personally think, it IS for a higher purpose! The “women” today, ARE VERY CONFUSED too.

    Really– this is a GREAT piece of writing!!! You are gifted, talented, beautiful and a rare find these days. I now want to make it my personal mission to find your partner “for your full dance”! (only if you’re single 😉 )

    Again… really well done– forwarding this to a few others I know because… WOW!!!!


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