Chocl8t Dating

After not seeing or communicating with him for almost three months, I thought when I finally did see him that my heart would stop and my stomach would drop -neither happened when I ran into him in the hallway today.

13100890_10207943549445542_7039338577417378047_nWhat did linger was a nervous energy similar to the caffeine shakes I get after taking a NoDoz. What lingered was this nagging urge to cry. Through stubborn pride and self-respect I willed myself not to shed a tear.

At the very moment we made eye contact, the person I was calling on my phone answered diverting my attention thus leaving the exchange to an acknowledging nod and half smile in response to whatever it was you mumbled. So here we are several hours later and you haven’t reached out to say anything.

As I have reminded myself so often in the past months, if he wants to talk to me, he will reach out. In the meantime, keep moving forward toward the day when I will no longer love him.

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie. ~Agnes de Mille

He leads, she follows. He controls the situation and she surrenders, totally. Through submission she feels the freedom. This is on the dance floor.

dance3She is an alpha female, fiercely independent and places no confidence nor trust in a man, any man. Anything a man can do she believes she can do better because she is his equal. In her life she finds it impossible, and stupid, to follow a man’s lead. To her, surrender and submission means a loss of control, dependence…subjection.

If there is any truth to the quote “Dance is the hidden language of the soul. ~Martha Graham”, the majority of women is living in direct contrast to our deepest, most natural desire and it is not a wonder why we are all the more miserable for it. We have fought against the very thing we yearn for most.

For all the good the feminist movement did in achieving social and political equality for women, I think it also did us a great disservice. Over the years this feminism, bra burning, girl power, Gloria Steinem, I am woman hear me roar bullshit has convinced women that we are “equal” to men and that submission/surrender equals oppression.

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“When you decide you want happiness look me up” – Craig

That is a snippet of a very short email from a man I have never met. I will get back to that momentarily.

Several days ago I tweeted that this online dating thing was no better than “offline“. That email offers some proof of that.

Upon embarking on this new adventure, I thought it would be fun. Since I am not looking for a husband to get married, I thought I would, at the very least, meet a couple of interesting people, go on a few dates and it would  be all good. The idea was to diversify my dating pool, as it were, because I don’t do the club scene.

I even entertained the idea of blogging about my experience because many of the profiles and pictures made me giggle and guffaw a few times. Truth is, I howled with laughter at some of them. However, I decided against it.

There would be nothing to gain from poking fun at another’s quest to find love and happiness. There are a multitude of lonely people out there looking for their “soul mates”. To them I bid a sincere, heartfelt God speed.

However….the misguided, arrogant douchebag that sent that message made me say, “Awe, fuck it!”

Let me give you a little background so you can put it in its proper context.

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These times when I am not posting are rarely ever planned. It happens when I am not willing to pen the thoughts in my head nor what is going on with me. For the past couple of weeks I retreated into the tortoise-shell. As you can see, I am poking my head out. what I have been up to…

* I am back in the gym…it’s killing me softly but I am hanging in there.

* Finished up my volunteer project with Omasaze’s Reading Saturday. This had to have been one of the most gratifying and rewarding thing I have done. Since October, I volunteered every Saturday morning helping a child with their reading and word recognition.

At the start of the program, each child is tested to determine how many words they can recognize. Victor, the first grader assigned to me, scored 31 out of 200 words. At the end he was tested again and scored 141 words!!!! Yes…I am stoked!!! GO VICTOR!!!!

* Spent a weekend visiting family in Chicago. Delta Airlines lost my luggage on the return flight. Gone are three pairs of my favorite jeans and several other items. I am SO. NOT. HAPPY about this. Not happy at all! GRRRRRR!!! 😦

* After some cajoling from a dear friend and with great trepidation, I have joined an online dating site. UGH! Firstly, I am not looking for a husband however, dating in Atlanta isn’t easy if you’re not into the club scene with the “youngins”.

Let’s say I get a good giggle just about every day, if not from the “onscreen” names,  from the photos. I saw a picture of one guy who looked like he was in a perpetual state of surprise. Then the other guy whose name is “darkjedilova” looking like a burnt match with these super spooky eyes (probably has a dismembered woman stashed in the freezer). LOL

I’ve exchanged emails with a few guys and had an IM chat with one guy who automatically placed me in the typical stereotype group. I could tell from his line of questioning that he has been listening to and watching the clips on Nightline about black women being too picky.

For example:

Why are you single and why did you join XXX.COM.” (harmless enough) So when I answered that I’ve spent most of my adult life wanting to be married and have children but now I’m just enjoying life. He comes back with: “Sounds good, but do you think that maybe your expectations are too high? Have you ever been in a serious lasting relationship?” and “Do you base your relationships, on what happened or happens in your friends relationships?

My response, “too high expectations? Whatever gave you that idea?”

After that I was irked but continued with the chat. I haven’t heard from that guy since nor do I wish to ever again. It just really bugs me how people just make unfounded assumptions. But no worries…NEXT!!!!!

Had a dinner date with “bigmark“…a date he initiated. ::DEEP SIGH:: I tried soooo hard to engage this guy in conversation…I almost broke out in a sweat. A few words here. A sentence or two there. Painful does not begin to describe the experience.  LOL….NEXT!!!

There you have it. A few of the goings on in the life of Chocl8t. Hopefully, I will not be away for long next time. 😉

They are going to ride this until the wheels fall off. 😐 

Bitch Much?

Nightline is hosting an open forum on “Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man” debate in Decatur, GA on April 9th @ 7pm. Panel guest will be Sherri Shepherd (The View), Jacque Reid, Hill Harper, and Jimi Izrael (johnny-come-lately-wanna-be-expert-psuedo-author looking to cash in)…and moderated by none other than the comedian turned relationship guru, Steve (3xs married) Harvey. 

I have already posted my opinions on this (HERE) but if  you are in the area and are in the mood for a Bitch-n-Bash session….go for it. Click HERE for the details. 

I suggested to a friend that we attend and be the audience hecklers yelling shit out like “PYSCHOLOGICAL WARFARE!!!!”….”WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!”…”IT’S LIES…..ALL LIES….DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!” While they escort us out of the facility…when we’d yell even louder….DON’T TASE ME BRO!!!! 😛 

Pyschological Warfare – Various techniques used, by any set of groups, and aimed to influence a target audience’s value systems, belief systems, emotions, motives,reasoning, or behavior. It is used to induce confessions or reinforce attitudes and behaviors favorable to the originator’s objectives…