single

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie. ~Agnes de Mille

He leads, she follows. He controls the situation and she surrenders, totally. Through submission she feels the freedom. This is on the dance floor.

dance3She is an alpha female, fiercely independent and places no confidence nor trust in a man, any man. Anything a man can do she believes she can do better because she is his equal. In her life she finds it impossible, and stupid, to follow a man’s lead. To her, surrender and submission means a loss of control, dependence…subjection.

If there is any truth to the quote “Dance is the hidden language of the soul. ~Martha Graham”, the majority of women is living in direct contrast to our deepest, most natural desire and it is not a wonder why we are all the more miserable for it. We have fought against the very thing we yearn for most.

For all the good the feminist movement did in achieving social and political equality for women, I think it also did us a great disservice. Over the years this feminism, bra burning, girl power, Gloria Steinem, I am woman hear me roar bullshit has convinced women that we are “equal” to men and that submission/surrender equals oppression.

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Being single and unattached, I have become accustomed to “flying solo“. I don’t always like it but it has become the reality of my life. I am not complaining – just stating a fact.

Trying new things alone is the worst for me only because I am shy and usually find it hard striking up conversations with strangers. Not to mention, new adventures are always fun to share with friends.

However, I have learned you can not always depend upon nor wait for friends to join you when embarking upon new adventures or even every day run-of-the-mill activities. I never want to wake up 10-20 years from now and have a bad case of the “if I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve(s)”.

That is why when Maxwell’s & Jill Scott’s concert tickets went on sale I bought my ticket the first day. Yes. I am going alone to a concert for the first time ever.

I am also planning my first tandem sky dive for May/June. I will be going it along for that also – well not really “alone” since it is a tandem jump, but you get the idea.

Today was no different when I set out to go cycling on the Silver Comet Trail.

One hour, a sore behind, two achy quads, and a head of “helmet hair” later, I can say I enjoyed my ride…so much so, I will be going again next weekend when I will purchase my new, slightly used, bicycle!

One is not always the loneliest number. 😉

Here’s to flying solo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve had a headache all day. One of those tension headaches that starts at the base of my head around to my temples. Meh, no problem. I took two Tylenol and after a brief afternoon nap it was gone.

It started with a phone call to an old high school/college friend. Well, no, let’s back up….it began when I joined this dayum networking site (Ning) for my high school and college. After being bombarded by dozens of emails from sorority sisters, college friends and associates I finally relented only to be bombarded by dozens more emails notifying me of friend requests and unread notes. All of these former classmates seem to be genuinely excited about having a central location to “reconnect”. Not to sound like a scrooge, but I don’t get it.

Now to the phone call. Every time F.B. and I speak he asks if I’m seeing anyone or if I’m married. Not that he’s interested in pursuing anything because he’s happily married and in another state. We talk about once every 3 to 4 months just to catch up, say hello and share a laugh or two. But I’m tired of answering the question not just from him but from everyone.

If you’re single you know how it goes. They fire off theses questions in rapid succession and my answers are sometimes met with a “Oh, really. Okay.” Usually with that “tone” to suggest pity or wonderment. 

So are you married?

Why aren’t you married yet?

No on has snatched you up yet? Maaan, if I were single.

You’re a beautiful girl, why aren’t you married?

When are you getting married? Do you want to get married?

You do like men, don’t you? 

What, are you too picky?

I guess men find you too independent, huh?

Do you have children? You’re getting older don’t you think you need to get started?

The questions and the assumptions made are, for lack of a better word, insensitive, ignorant and just downright RUDE

I. AM. TIRED. I mean DAYUM…give it a rest already.

It’s no secret that I’m single. It’s also no secret that it is hard being a single female in Atlanta. Hard if you choose not to screw men for sport or money, have some measure of dignity, and can recognize game when you see it. With that being said it should come as no surprise that I have been experiencing a long dry season. For a while it even seemed as if I couldn’t even buy a date…nothing was poppin for the kid. NOTHING!!

In the past couple of days I’ve had brief conversations with two potential “dates” or suitors. I hate those initial “getting to know you” talks. HATE ‘EM! Both young men made the same comment that causes a natural gag reflex with me.

So, tell me about yourself“. Uuuugggghhhh!!!

There has to be a better way to get to know each other without feeling like I’m on a job interview or auditioning for The Bachelor/Bachelorette!!!  I don’t want to feel as if I’m giving you a run down of my qualifications.

[in my best game show contestant voice] ‘Well, my name is Chocl8t. I’m 41 years old. I enjoy hiking, kayaking, bowling, and white water rafting. I’m an Aquarius and I’m a people person’. Uuuugghhh!!!

Could it be these guys just haven’t mastered the art of conversation? Or could it be I’m just cynical, jaded and just expect too much? Is it too much to want an effortless conversation that flows like a cool stream? Is it too much to want to laugh and joke in the process?

What is your technique or M.O. in getting to know someone? Do you run down a list of questions or do you let the conversation flow and go where it goes?