I’ve had a headache all day. One of those tension headaches that starts at the base of my head around to my temples. Meh, no problem. I took two Tylenol and after a brief afternoon nap it was gone.
It started with a phone call to an old high school/college friend. Well, no, let’s back up….it began when I joined this dayum networking site (Ning) for my high school and college. After being bombarded by dozens of emails from sorority sisters, college friends and associates I finally relented only to be bombarded by dozens more emails notifying me of friend requests and unread notes. All of these former classmates seem to be genuinely excited about having a central location to “reconnect”. Not to sound like a scrooge, but I don’t get it.
Now to the phone call. Every time F.B. and I speak he asks if I’m seeing anyone or if I’m married. Not that he’s interested in pursuing anything because he’s happily married and in another state. We talk about once every 3 to 4 months just to catch up, say hello and share a laugh or two. But I’m tired of answering the question not just from him but from everyone.
If you’re single you know how it goes. They fire off theses questions in rapid succession and my answers are sometimes met with a “Oh, really. Okay.” Usually with that “tone” to suggest pity or wonderment.
So are you married?
Why aren’t you married yet?
No on has snatched you up yet? Maaan, if I were single.
You’re a beautiful girl, why aren’t you married?
When are you getting married? Do you want to get married?
You do like men, don’t you?
What, are you too picky?
I guess men find you too independent, huh?
Do you have children? You’re getting older don’t you think you need to get started?
The questions and the assumptions made are, for lack of a better word, insensitive, ignorant and just downright RUDE.
I. AM. TIRED. I mean DAYUM…give it a rest already.
I Am Chocl8t 
That very thing….forced me to marry the first time around. I was close to 30 at that time no kids. The only one in my entire group that was unattached. Felt a lot of pressure from family as well as society that my clock was ticking ….Had me wondering what the hell was wrong with me (dumb azz). Now that I am divorced and close to forty they still harass me..but you know what? F*ck em and the boat they came in on.
::sigh:: I totally feel u on this. I even had one dude question my self esteem cause low self esteem has to be the only reason why a smart beautiful girl like you is still single. ::double sigh:: I mean damn!
Hey, choc, ya married??????? He He. I remember those days too, and when you marry, the question becomes, when are you going to have kids. How many are you going to have..etc, etc, etc. Just fire back at them and say, “well how’s the marriage going. ya having problems, ever feel like you lost your identity? Better, yet, just tell them you’ve answered those questions already, move on please. And start talking about your accomplisments. Wow them and make them envious. You girl, are the “cat’s meow” that’s an old saying for ya. Love ya, Choc.
Some people are just destined to be in your business! Rush,you to get married then want to know why you married that fool, when you gonna have kids, when you gonna get a divorce, when you gonna get remarried… And the drama goes on and on!
I just shut them down with this, “I’m married to GOD!”. Yep, then they leave me alone!!
Have a great weekend!
Hey there!!
I wrote a post about this, “Deconstructing The Husband Shortage and the Scarcity of Black Wives”! I mentioned that my ex told me that I didn’t want to be anyone’s wife.
Women seemed to have some problems when I wrote a post, “Who Even Cares If Black Men Want White Women?” because I suppose they think that black men belong to THEM exclusively…and …um…black men certainly do not have the memo on that!!
*LOL*
But I digress…
Yes, I do receive the “why aren’t you married?” question and I usually say that “I don’t feel that my life is incomplete without a man, like many people have been conditioned to believe.”
That response usually is met with silence.
Really….what can anyone say after that?
There are NO follow up questions to be tossed in once you put it down like that.
Trust.
I keep getting the ” Are you going to have any more kids?” questions. Like it is anyone’s bidness if I am or not? I just say, “Well, since my last two children were both diagnosed as type one diabetic, I have decoded not to bring another child into a world of pain and daily misery.” That usually shuts them up!
I get these questions all the time. And get irritated at them. It ain’t none of their business.
Hey Choc….I’ll marry you if you can find me a job that will increase my salary by 15%-20%. I’ll even hold your purse for you….but not your dog and purse.
Hey Choc! Just checking in on you!
Have a great weekend!
I have two boys and I get asked “So when are you having a girl??” Let’s see, when you start babysitting my kids for free or when I can guarantee that I’m going to have a girl” Like I can control the gender of my kids. My older son has been dragged to several child shrinks and has been diagnosed with everything from Autism and Bipolar to ADHD. WE have finally narrowed it down to ADHD– in short, no one knows your situation and they need to mind their own business.
Amen and Halleujerrrrr!!! 😉