Originally posted February 12, 2008
But first the disclaimer: I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY! I think it is like most other holidays – commercialized and geared to guilt men into buying flowers, candy, jewelry and other trinkets in order to increase retailers’ bottom line. Women get bent out of shape and pissed off to the highest level of Pisstivity if the man they are married to or “booed” up with fails to come through with any of the aforementioned “guilt gifts”.
Y’all have got to stop drinking the Kool-Aid!
My hatred of the holiday presents the conundrum of all conundrums because it is also my birthday. Oh, I can hear you now, “Ooooh, that’s so sweet. A Valentine’s baby“. SAVE IT! The sh*t blows worse than an Beluga whale…worse than a hooker on Stewart Avenue (the ho strip in Atlanta)…worse than Vivica Fox…worse than, ah hell, you get the point.
I was 22 yrs old, he was 23. We lived together when I first moved to Atlanta. We were immature and dysfunctional. He liked to man-handle me…never hit me with an closed fist just pushed and shoved (like that really makes a difference) when we would get into heated arguments. For a skinny dude he was strong as hell and I knew I couldn’t kick his a$$ so after one of those pushing and shoving moments, I grabbed the biggest knife in the kitchen. As I walked towards him his eyes got as big as saucers. I stomped passed him, out the front door and to his prized ’82 red Mustang GT with the dual-quad carburetor…his “baby“. Flattened all four of those high performance tires, yes I did!! Hit ‘em where it hurts was my philosophy. Turned out to be an expensive philosophy too cause I had to replace the dayum tires. Young. Stupid. In love.
I had been working part-time at a men’s clothing store, Kuppenheimer, for about 4 years when RR transferred from Virginia as an assistant manager. I can’t remember the particulars on how we “hooked” up but I do remember being very attracted to his “swagger”. Not long after he hired a new full-time cashier, TL, the salesmen in the store began shoo-shooing around like a bunch of teenage girls in the lunchroom. This wasn’t unusual for this group of men because they gossiped more than any woman I ever knew.
Long story short…RR was creepin’ with me and TL. We both skirted around the issue for a few weeks until TL asked me directly if RR and I were, well, ya know. We compared notes, time-lines, and lies. As if that wasn’t enough, we found out about another young lady, Angie, at another store on the other side of town. TL and Angie were associates, friends of a mutual friend. Wait, it gets better!!
One night, TL called Angie to give her the 411 on RR’s shenanigans and wouldn’t you know it? RR was there at that very moment. “Get over here now“, Angie tells TL, “both you and Chocl8t! This fool is in the bed sleep right now“, she continues. Twenty minutes later, me and TL are sitting on Angie’s sofa once again comparing notes, time-lines, and lies…but this time RR is in the other room, sleeping like a breast-fed baby.
Angie calls out to RR and asks him to come in the living room. He turns the corner in all his manly stud butt nekkid glory. The look on his face was PRICELESS!! He face was tomato red. “No need to be shame baby. We’ve all seen the goods“, I said as he ducked back behind the door.
What a lucky man he was that he didn’t get cut that night.
Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂
**PLEASE NOTE I WAS IN MY 20s FOR BOTH AFOREMENTIONED DALIANCES** (Just thought you might want to know that…LOL)