Belief and Fear

I accepted Christ at the age of 13 under duress and the looming threats from my mother. No one was going to live under her roof and not believe in Christ and not be a member of a church.

It was laid out to me like this by my mother, “either walk up to the alter and join church or I will take you by the hand and walk you up there myself“. The easiest way to motivate a teenager is to threaten to embarrass them in front of their peers. Given the options presented to me and the fact we attended a neighborhood church with children whom I went to school, I went to the alter on my own accord and professed to believe Christ as my savior.

For years I attended church, eventually joining the choir as an adult all while having serious questions about Christianity. The more I sought answers, the more questions came. When I began to approach my religion from a logical perspective very little made sense to me nor could I reconcile what I felt tin my heart with what I was taught. (I wrote about this before – HERE)

  • The Bible is the word of God. – According to whom? Men from 2,000 years ago whose intent was to control the masses? Men, who by all accounts, had their own agendas? This word of God has been revised, re-written and interpreted again and again. You can take one verse from the Bible and ask ten people what it means and you will get just as many answers. so it is the word of God to be interpreted by man depending on his/her views.
  • The only and only way to see God, and thus “heaven”, is through Jesus Christ. Even if you live a life in service to others, don’t lie, cheat, steal or commit any of the sins as outlined in the Bible, you will go to Hell (if these places even exists). If you’re Jewish, you’re going to hell. Muslim? Hell. Hindu? Hell. Buddhist? Hell. If you have no religious beliefs? Hell.
  • Creationism vs. Evolution. I do not believe the earth was created in 6 days. There is far too much scientific evidence to the contrary. I believe the prophets attempted to explain Earth’s creation the best way they knew how given their limited knowledge at the time.

Some may wonder if I believe in a deity at all. I really don’t know if God exists or not and I refuse to debate that with anyone, specifically Christians. Hell, just writing and posting this is enough to make some believers’ heads explode and break out the oil and holy water to begin praying over me while speaking in tongues.

It has taken years for me to find the courage to take a step back, and away, from Christianity and I am still breaking free from the shackles of its indoctrination. I know there are more people out there like me. Many of whom are still holding on to those beliefs out of fear and under duress and the threat of an eternal life in hell.

Beliefs and fear are real. If strong enough, both can make the most illogical and  irrational…real.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha


4 thoughts on “Belief and Fear

  1. Hello dear. It’s super nice to meet you! That quote from Buddha is one of my favs and I just did a similar post on my blog explain my own exodus from Christian religion. It’s really sad, but the only reason most black people are Christians is because they were enslaved. It’s sad but it’s true. One doesn’t have to study or question anything. You just have to empty your bank account. As far as the whole creationsim thing, I think it’s so sad because many of the Early Church Fathers were NOT literalists. They used an allegorical method for interpreting scriptures.

    I know it can be incredibly painful journey out of the church but I think staying in it when you have just had it is worse so I salute your bravery.


  2. My journey was filled with many of the same thoughts and questions. I was overcome with the fear of what would happen if I dared question the logic of the bible and expressed my confusion over my parents complaining about white folks all week and then staring up to an image of one of them, with tear-filled eyes, every Sunday. Ironically it was my mother who gave me the courage to find my own spiritual path. Though she is practicing Christianity, she always resented never having a choice. I thoroughly enjoyed, appreciated, and connected with your experience.

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