I was watching a local TV show the other night hosted by two Atlanta radio personalities. They read a letter from a confused listener/viewer seeking advice, insight, or some sort of understanding in her situation.
The gist of the letter:
It describes a young woman in her late 20s, raised by free-spirited parents who encouraged sexual freedom and responsibility. She became sexually active around the age of 15. She had not been in a serious or committed relationship until recently. While at dinner with the beau of several months, he asked how many men had she’d been with sexually. She responded that is was 624. He called her slut. Now she is confused as to why he would call her such a thing.
We know the double standard. A man can bed over 100 women and be considered a “player”. Yet, a woman who does the same is considered a “whore”. I’m not going to debate that issue. It is what it is and I don’t see it changing in my lifetime.
My question, as the title states, is how many is too many for a woman? For a man?
Think about it for a minute…
This prompted several conversations with male friends. One friend threw out an arbitrary number while others scoffed at the very idea. They gave me the “screw face” as if it pained them to even think about it.
Do you have a number yet?
Ok. So now, does it matter the woman’s age? Should we factor that into the equation? Reason being a 20-year-old woman having 20 sexual partners is quite different from say a 40-year-old woman with the same amount.
Given an individual’s liberal or conservative ideas on sexual behavior this is far too subjective. The answer will vary depending on background, social mores, religious beliefs, and convictions.
Personally, I don’ think a man should concern himself with the number of a woman’s sexual partners but rather if she has practiced safe sex and when was she last tested for STDs and the results of those tests.
So again, how many is too many? What is acceptable?
Should a man ask a woman the number of sexual partners she’s had?
Should the woman be honest and forthcoming with the number of sexual partners she’s had?
What say you?
14 thoughts on “How Many Is Too Many?”
624 is a whole dayum lot no matter how free and responsible you are. Hell I don’t even think I know 624 men let alone 624 that I would ever sleep with. (and did she keep a tally? at some point I would lose count LOL!) But to your question…I think as long as- like you said, either party has practiced safe sex and is clean is what matters. But we all know people are curious, we all have the need to know “how many?” Why I don’t know. Is it a blow to a man’s ego if his woman has been with more than him-is that why he labels her a whore? or vice versa? It’s a good question Choc, I just don’t have an answer for you. It depends on the couple and the relationship I would guess.
” Hell I don’t even think I know 624 men let alone 624 that I would ever sleep with.” LMAO…I know riiight!! I personally think that girl’s lunch box is RUINT!!
i DONT EVEN have 624 people that I talk to, want to talk to, ever plan on talking to, not nothing. 624 is bigger than several african villages.
And seriously, the real idiot in this conversation is the dude. You dont ever ask a question you dont want the answer to, and how many men someone has been with is one of them. He’s an idiot and a simp. NO number she says was going to be acceptable. And frankly it is none of his business.
Damn. And I thought I had a big number. I think my age has finally actually caught up to my number, so it isn’t as bad as it once was. 624 is a lot and there is only so much blame you can place on your sexually liberated parents. However, I agree w you choc8, the important part is how much of all that sexin’ was safe?
Also agree w slaus. Why do guys always ask that? Either they don’t believe what you tell them or they get angry. Everyone has to understand that whoever you are dating, unless they are a virgin, there was always someone before you. Get over it.
I was raised in a religious home, so I didn’t lose my virginity until very late. My number is in the single digits under 10, so that makes me practically a virgin at my age. But in the reverse, some guys may see that as a turn on or even a challenge. Nevertheless, a secure man wouldn’t care if he wasn’t the first, he needs to be concerned if he will be the only one.
Wow. I agree with Dath Hater…no number she said would’ve been good. I personal who never want to ask a question like that..nor who I want to be asked that. Although my number isn’t high, people need to realize the past is just that. If your so worried about the past..you will never see the future.
Is this twilight zone day? Is this a black woman? If so…I’d like to meet her. I like her level of independence. I bet she knows who the hell she is…and is not waiting on a man to “guide her”. And that lunchbox that some think is worn out is actually broken in…it actually gets better with use. I have no problems asking the “how many” question…if a woman is too squeamish to answer or gives a crazy low number…I don’t trust her anyway.
I feel you. Most men don’t believe a woman if she tells you a low number anyway.
Hi everyone and a special “how are you” to Choc…..my take on the matter is that I will take quality over quantity anyday….meaning I have had few relations with plenty….but my best memories are the plenty relations that I had with a few…..so having said that I guess if you do the *sexual partner math* (total # of partners divided by years of active sex life and then multiply by 2 for women and divide in half for guys heh heh) if you do have a vested interest in the individual you should be able to talk it out……hell I have been disqualified because of my past and I moved on no harm no foul….and yes the double standard exists and I try (key word TRY) not to buy into any double standard……but let’s be honest we all do to a certain extent….example: man cheats in a relationship/marriage; HIS fault…..woman cheats in a relationship/marriage; HIS fault…….esta es gue esta es 😉
P.S. don’t wanna be anonymous so please allow me to introduce myself …..I’m Steve
Hi Steve! Well that sound like an interesting “formula” you’ve got there. 😉 And although it made me laugh, I do like your sentiment “but my best memories are the plenty relations that I had with a few”. Thanks for stopping by, commenting and introducing yourself. 🙂
Yeah that was funny..
Believe me when I say “the pleasure is all mine”
back to the topic …..I never ask or volunteer that info but I have been pressed for an enlightened by women on the numbers