Through Loss, More Gains

The heart is the locus of physical and spiritual being, and represents the “central wisdom of feeling as opposed to the head-wisdom of reason” (Cooper, 82). It is compassion and understanding, life-giving and complex. It is a symbol for love. Often known as the seat of emotions, the heart is synonymous with affection.
(Source)

For years I avoided the symbol and held a quiet disdain for it. This was rooted in my dislike for Valentine’s Day which is, coincidently, my birthday. Dislike? It was more like I hated it. Up until about the age of 10, every year I would have a heart-shaped birthday cake. After that, I asked my mother to stop with heart-shaped cakes.

My hatred of the holiday presents the conundrum of all conundrums because it is also my birthday. Oh, I can hear you now, “Ooooh, that’s so sweet. A Valentine’s baby“. SAVE IT! The sh*t blows worse than an Beluga whale…worse than a hooker on Stewart Avenue (the ho strip in Atlanta)…worse than Vivica Fox…worse than, ah hell, you get the point. (Valentine’s Day)

I can’t say that my stance on the holiday has changed but I am now drawn to its symbolic icon – the heart.

According to K. Ferlic’s “Symbolism of the Heart”, the heart is metaphorically used to represent four interconnected things:

  • the resting place for the creative spirit
  • the source of the flow of our creative life energy
  • the location for the intention for our life, for aligning with the flow of energy aligns us with that intention
  • it represents the dream we wish to manifest

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Over the past five years or more, I have been on a journey of emotional, spiritual and professional growth. On this journey I have experienced some significant losses that resulted in heartache. The death of a long-time friend, with whom I had lost contact over the years, was the impetus of reconnecting with an old crew of friends. Friendships changed or shifted and much like how it feels when the ground shakes beneath you during an earthquake, it left me “shook”.

Some of those losses were necessary in order to remove/eliminate negative energy and unhealthy attachments that were impeding my growth.

Through loss, more gains.

After 12 years of service with an employer, I was laid off. Although I had been expecting it to happen for more than a few years, I still experienced the normal anxiety wondering how long it would take to find new employment. However, I started a new gig with more and expanding responsibilities, a significant salary increase, and a new beautifully blossoming sisterhood/friendship has emerged.

Through loss, more gains.

textgram_1508588375Writing for my blog and personal journaling became virtually non-existent. My creativity suffered during this time and initially I blamed it on my presence on social media. Post on the “book of faces” and 140 character tweets became my outlet. I was compelled to reflect on how I was contributing to the negative energy I so often complained about being so prevalent on social media.

I have either muted myself completely or significantly reduced my presence on the platforms opting instead to go within. As a result, I have been journaling regularly and the desire to express my creativity through writing is growing more by the day.

Through loss, more gains.

This going within and re-centering, this “getting to the heart of the matter” has manifested itself, subconsciously, in the symbol to which I have found myself drawn. A quick scan of my Instagram page is evident of just that.

If K. Ferlic’s assertions are true that the heart represents the resting place for creative spirit, the source of the flow of creative life energy, the location for the intention for our lives, and the representation of the dream we wish to manifest, then in my using the heart as my logo, I have come full circle.

Everything that has happened has served its purpose in directing me back to the source.

I’ll end it here with two quotes, one from a very close friend.

“The universe brings you shit and takes shit away…remember that…there is a reason for it all. Sometimes it’s not on you to dictate where/when/how you grow.” – TDV

“What you seek is seeking you.” – Rumi

I’m home and that’s where the heart is.

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