By now we have all heard the news that RKelly was acquitted on all charges of child pornography by a Chicago jury last week. Many think the prosecution’s case was weak while others are outraged that the R&B superstar has gotten away with exploiting yet another young girl. There are also those who think he should have never been brought up on charges to begin with and are very happy he’s dodged the bullet.The entire business surrounding this habitual pedophile has pissed me off and leaves me wondering what message does this send our young black females. Better yet, what has it done to help reinforce existing negative messages to our young girls and women about their self-worth?
I had a conversation with someone that left me very disturbed and wondering if, what I perceive as, their faulty logic is what keeps RKelly so popular within our community.
In short, I expressed my disappointment with the verdict only to be met with exhuberance and glee at the prospect of a new RKelly CD by the end of summer. When my response registered with the individual she proceeded to explain that while she doesn’t “condone” the behavior they can surely understand “how” and “why” such situations exist especially for an entertainer with fame and fortune.
During our conversation she told of how she was sexually active at 13 yrs old, how at the age of 15 was sleeping with a 21 year old man, recalling how she would get into clubs on fake IDs, telling men she was older than she really was, etc., etc. Because of these things she understands how the Kelly’s fame and fortune is a magnet for young girls. Basically, her reasoning is it really isn’t the man’s fault when young, fast, hot-in-the-pants, females make themselves available. “It is…what it is.”
Is this really how ‘it is’?
The first thing that popped into my head while she spoke was “who are the adults that failed you…failed to protect and guide you?”
I was a straight laced goody-two-shoes little girl, a book worm. As a matter of fact I was afraid of boys until I was 18 yrs old and didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19 almost 20. Having been molested at a young age kept me from the usual boy/girl shenanigans during my adolescent years. I remained “green” for a long, long time and for that I’m thankful. VERY THANKFUL!
My next thought was could our different experiences during adolescence have any bearing on our vastly differing views of these things? Does yours?
I can’t pretend to understand where she’s coming from, I can’t. It only reinforces that deep longing urge to protect young girls (and boys) all the more.
So, tell me what you think is at the root of this “it’s okay” mentality – the willingness for the black community to give predators like RKelly a pass.
I Am Chocl8t 
I don’t think it is anything to celebrate at all…. The Wuznt me, stop snitching mentality saves and destroys at the same times… R Kelly is saved, but yet another example of the utter devaluing of the black female is realized…..
Choc,
The good thing is, God will be the final judge and jury on Kel’s soul!
Imma get real deep with you for a sec choc..hope you dont mind. It pains me to find out that yet another sister has suffered some sort of sexual abuse. I, my sista, was molested as a child. In fact I thought that it was normal until it stopped and left me confused at 6. While your experience made you afraid of boys, mine had me seeking out male attention. I wasn’t out there sexually but my thinking and mindset were all screwed up. I didnt lose my virginity until 17 but victim mentality put me in rape situations 3 times. I said all that to say I can see how being molested/raped can cause a young girls mind to go through some major shyt. What I dont understand is … how is it that 1 in 3 of us has suffered some sort of molestation/sexual abuse as a child and we are not reaching out the young girls ourselves to share the story or guide them past the hurt we ourselves went through? Thats the real question.
so sad….i work with elementary school aged children and it haunts me knowing what most of these kids have gone through the ilttle bit of time they’ve been on this earth…to the young woman you spoke with..i’m sorry youve gone through in your life and i pray that when you have children of your own, that you protect them from men like rkelly..its sad when you have grown men and women who choose to not use their voices to help a fellow man or woman facing the same issues they have..NO it’s not right what happened to you but you have to be the one to break this vicious cycle of hurt and pain…i’m just one woman speaking right now…i keep ALL of you in prayer..I ask that God heals you mentally, spiritually and physically..the victory will be yours…
It’s frustrating, scary and disheartening to learn that so many of my sisters have been abused – many of whom don’t even know it. It is not and never has been IMO “OK” have sex with an adult when you are a child. Of course some people think they are ‘grown’ just because they know how to ‘do it’, but that means nothing when the consequences of life kick in. What can you do at age 15 when you turn up pregnant but be taken care of by either the perpetrator or the system or your family? You are not even legal to do a damned thing for yourself. Too many people think too small. Who cares about his next CD? If he’s peeing on teen sand paying them off with promises of music careers, do you know how low the standards have just plummeted? It’s a dag on shame.
@ Essensevibez – I’m not sure we’re understanding each other so if I’m wrong, pardon me. However, the young woman I spoke with did not indicate she was molested or abused. She became sexually active without being co-erced by an adult – it was her choice, however misguided at 13 yrs old.
Your well wishes are appreciated. I’ve released my demons a long time ago and bear no shame. However, it’s sentiments such as yours that keep me from being more vocal about it. Why? Because I’M NOT A VICTIM – I don’t surrender power of my life over to anyone. I don’t seek anyone’s pity. Please don’t feel sorry for me or look at women like myself as “damaged”.
Maybe it’s just me but I refuse to allow what happen to me DEFINE me or my life to the degree in which I see myself, or allow others to see me as a victim. I’m far from it.
I’ll address other comments later. 🙂
And more importantly, we as a community must change our attitudes towards the PREDATORS. Stop giving them a pass. Hold their asses accountable and stop sweeping this shit under the rug.
the almighty dollar gets you in and OUT of trouble every time.
What the R. Kelly case illustrates is that with the right amount of money like O.J. and any celebrity you can skate across the scales of justice unscathed. The first thing his defense did was delay, delay and delay the case from the beginning. It worked in their favor and got them the verdict they wanted. What this says as far as justice for black women is that it is quite alright to do them wrong because they don’t matter anyhow. Had this be a white girl he’d have done this to he would’ve had his genitals cut off and they would have burned him alive, no question about it.
While I respect him for his musical talent, this man if all these allegations are true is sick and he needs help as we have seen from Aaliyah up until this case he continues to have a tendencies to prey on young girls.
I do think that these girls are making themselves easy targets by dressing in a provocative manner but like you stated in your blog no one has taught them that they need to respect their own bodies especially a person who has the alleged mentality of R.Kelly will.
I don’t know how I am going to feel about his music going forward. I do know that when it comes to justice the system has failed my people once again. Big surprise.
Try to enjoy the rest of your week.
Regardless of any type of circumstance that may bring a young girl to put herself in a sexual position with an adult man, what people FAIL to see and remember is the accountability of adult in the situation. I don’t care how well a girl can back that ass up at 13, or how grown she may look and act, she is still a CHILD, and the fact is that MAN is still the ADULT in the situation and HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER! People make all kinds of excuses for these celebrities just b/c they are fans. They don’t want to believe their favorits artist is capable of some sick shenanigans, so they toss the blame on the ‘fast’ little girl without another thought to R.’s part in this. I have a friend who adores R. Kelly, and refuses to see his part in this at all. Kinda makes me sick too. I don’t care who you are, if you wrong, then you just wrong, and R. Kelly been wrong. He needs some help.