In these times of economic downturns, high fuel prices, and financial uncertainty those of us employed are dayum happy to have a job. But even having a job we’re still wondering how much longer we’ll be able to make ends meet if the cost of fuel and food continues to rise.
It’s no surprise to see stories on how to “recession proof” your budget, how to save at the gas pump, how to make you dollar stretch further….(hell if I stretch that bastard any further George Washington will look like a cracked out Amy Winehouse.) In that vein, here’s my contribution to the “how to’s“.
If you’re wondering how to avoid the axe when it comes time for your company to downsize, I have the answer for you right here. Forget what you heard about making yourself indispensable, being a team-player, showing up on-time and meeting deliverables, showing the boss how to save money, accepting new responsibilities and asking for more work. That right there is BOOLSHYT! Yep…boolshyt!
The one and only thing you need to know in order to keep your job is to STAY YOUR A$$ AT HOME IF YOU ARE SICK!!! Don’t play the dayum hero…like the office couldn’t survive without your viral plague infested a$$! STAY HOME!!
Do not go in and infect the entire office because you have a deadline to meet. That is not the way to go. You know who you are…trying your best to impress your manager and co-workers with the illusion of being a good soldier. If I were the hiring manager, you would be the FIRST one fired! GONE! Pink would be in your future! Security will have your shyt in a box and escorting your little Cootie McCootie a$$ right out of the door post haste!
I spent my entire weekend in bed battling what could be the worst head cold ever. Not sure which one of the bloodclots with whom I work that I have to thank for this nasty little bug. But believe me, they could have kept it to themselves…I would have appreciated that a whole lot more.
In closing, again I ask that you stay your viral plague infested, cootie McCootie, deathbed experience, house needs fumigating, HAZMAT suit needin, sick a$$ home if you want to keep your job.