W.T.H. !! (What The Hell)

Please….Take The Mint!!

Halitosis. Bad breath. Dragon Breath. We’ve all had it before or know someone who suffers with it, regularly.

Or maybe you’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to be seated next to someone who had it in a confined space and there was no means of immediate escape. The latter happened to me just last night at choir rehearsal.

We’re seated in the Judah Room doing our warm up exercises:

“He has done. Marvelous. He has done. Marvelous. Thiiiinnnggss. Praise tha Laaaaawd….Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord“.

When it hit me. Ugh, what is that, I think to myself.  I inhale a deep breath to sing the next refrain.

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

My nose is twitching like Samantha from “Bewitched” now while my mind is racing,  “WHO is that? OH. MY. GAWD!!!”

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

In blows another wind of putrid hot gawbage breath. Uuuggghh!! It’s coming from the young lady sitting to my right. Oh DAYUM!! Did she just lick a lump of shit before walking in here?

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I’m A Ho…Ya Know I’m A Ho!!

Well, well, well…whaddya know. Former presidential candidate, John “Straight-Laced” Edwards has finally admitted to an extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter. A tabloid rag first broke this story a few weeks ago but I wanted to see how this played out before weighing in on the situation. Read the story HERE.

I’m not shocked by this bit of news. Nope, not one bit. Not one iota. But I think what disgusts me more than anything is the fact that he cheated on his wife while she was going through (is still going through) her health crisis. (Elizabeth Edwards was diagnosed with incurable bone cancer.)

I guess John-John thought the minister was bullshitting around when he said “…in sickness and in health” during those wedding vows. Yeah, that part didn’t really apply to him. But not to worry cause John-John claims the affair didn’t start until Elizabeth’s cancer was in remission.

Well HOT DAYUM!!!…that makes all the difference in the world.

So sorry, excuse me for being so…so…presumptuous. Did your wedding vows go into remission too? Did they go on vacation?

John…you’re a DICK!!

Oh, and don’t get me started on that home wrecker, Rielle Hunter! Pssst…ever heard of Karma? She’s a bitch girrrl…a real mean bitch and she’s gunnin’ fo dat azz!!

I. Am. Tired. Of All The Questions!!!

I’ve had a headache all day. One of those tension headaches that starts at the base of my head around to my temples. Meh, no problem. I took two Tylenol and after a brief afternoon nap it was gone.

It started with a phone call to an old high school/college friend. Well, no, let’s back up….it began when I joined this dayum networking site (Ning) for my high school and college. After being bombarded by dozens of emails from sorority sisters, college friends and associates I finally relented only to be bombarded by dozens more emails notifying me of friend requests and unread notes. All of these former classmates seem to be genuinely excited about having a central location to “reconnect”. Not to sound like a scrooge, but I don’t get it.

Now to the phone call. Every time F.B. and I speak he asks if I’m seeing anyone or if I’m married. Not that he’s interested in pursuing anything because he’s happily married and in another state. We talk about once every 3 to 4 months just to catch up, say hello and share a laugh or two. But I’m tired of answering the question not just from him but from everyone.

If you’re single you know how it goes. They fire off theses questions in rapid succession and my answers are sometimes met with a “Oh, really. Okay.” Usually with that “tone” to suggest pity or wonderment. 

So are you married?

Why aren’t you married yet?

No on has snatched you up yet? Maaan, if I were single.

You’re a beautiful girl, why aren’t you married?

When are you getting married? Do you want to get married?

You do like men, don’t you? 

What, are you too picky?

I guess men find you too independent, huh?

Do you have children? You’re getting older don’t you think you need to get started?

The questions and the assumptions made are, for lack of a better word, insensitive, ignorant and just downright RUDE. 

I. AM. TIRED. I mean DAYUM…give it a rest already.

Waisted Brain Cells

Somebody has way too much time on their hands. This is a waste of brain cells if you ask me.

Couldn’t those brain cells be put to better use by finding the cure for cancer? A.I.D.S.? The high cost of gas? Or maybe how to better serve children in foster care? How to resurrect Hip Hop prior to 1995?

How to bring back Lauryn Hill?

How to rid the black community of Al Sharpton? Bobby Brown? Lil John? Flava Flav?

How to keep me pimp slapping the nosy folks at work?

How to keep Kobe and Kanye from whining like two lil beoyatches? What?

…I’m just saying….there are better uses!!!