Please….Take The Mint!!

Halitosis. Bad breath. Dragon Breath. We’ve all had it before or know someone who suffers with it, regularly.

Or maybe you’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to be seated next to someone who had it in a confined space and there was no means of immediate escape. The latter happened to me just last night at choir rehearsal.

We’re seated in the Judah Room doing our warm up exercises:

He has done. Marvelous. He has done. Marvelous. Thiiiinnnggss. Praise tha Laaaaawd….Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord“.

When it hit me. Ugh, what is that, I think to myself.  I inhale a deep breath to sing the next refrain.

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

My nose is twitching like Samantha from “Bewitched” now while my mind is racing,  “WHO is that? OH. MY. GAWD!!!”

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

In blows another wind of putrid hot gawbage breath. Uuuggghh!! It’s coming from the young lady sitting to my right. Oh DAYUM!! Did she just lick a lump of shit before walking in here?

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

I retrieve my 9 West handbag from under the chair.

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

Oh Lawd…please let me have some mints or cough drops in this side pocket.

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

Oh goody!! I think gleefully as I retrieve the peppermints from the inside zipper pocket.

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

With all three mints in the palm of my hand, I gesture to the young lady on my left, offering her one of the red and white striped Godsends. She declines with a nod of her head.

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

Turning to my right I offer the same to Halitosis Hannah. “Oh girl thanks. I’ll save this for later”, she says as she takes one and proceeds to place it in her handbag.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Sweet Jesus, Mary, & Joseph!!! YOU. NEED. THIS. NOW!! Ret now!! Please for the love of God and all that is Holy…take the mint and put it your mouth!!! Is what I’m thinking.

With my eyes red, itchy, watery, and burning…we continue to sing:

“Marvelous. Marvelous. Marvelous Thiiinnnggggs. Praise tha Lord.”

Lord, you know what would be marvelous? Miraculous even? If this heffa to my right would either eat the mint now or shut the hell up? You know what else would be miraculous? If by the end of this rehearsal I’m not blind, irises nor corneas not burned and melting from my eye sockets!!

“He has done. Marvelous. He has done. Marvelous. Thiiiinnnggss. Praise tha Laaaaawd!!!”

She still didn’t eat the mint at that moment but at least I am not bind today.

Oh, yes…..

He has done. Marvelous. He has done. Marvelous. Thiiiinnnggss. Praise tha Laaaaawd!!!!

16 thoughts on “Please….Take The Mint!!

  1. OMG! I am ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have sooooo been there and it’s AWFUL!!! When somebody offers you a mint–take it! It’s their polite way of saying “Your bref smell like a dead rat carcass!”

    Still LMAO!!!!!!!!

  2. Choc, that used to happen to me all the time when I would take the train int San Fran. Someone would sit by me, and “ug” the breath would straighten the curl in my hair! I would almost put my face up against the window to protect my stomach from the up heavel the breath would cause. And nothing, nothing is worse than someone with bad breath and over used perfume. Try that combo on a train where you can’t move from your seat cause it’s crowded. I feel for ya girl.

  3. I remember having to go to a class in college and having to sit right behind this guy who was waaaaaay into the hippie life. (ie- no showers, no deodorant, no tooth brushing.) I felt your pain, and rememberd my own…….

  4. ROFLMBO!!!! You poor thing!! I carry an entire arsenal in my bag for me and anyone else who may be in need! Usually I pop one first, so they can see me and then I offer to them, they usually get the hint!
    LOL!!

  5. EW!
    Someimes being subtle about it won;t cut the mustard. And dont get caught with nothing but cinnamon candy or gum on you. That won’t cut it for people who like to drag out syllables and shyt.

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