I have always taken great pride in the fact I had several friendships for more than 20+ years. To me, it was a reflection of my stability, faithfulness, loyalty and commitment to those relationships.
In recent years though, I have found it necessary to weed out a few of those friendships that existed in name only – friendships that no longer supported my personal growth and subsequently the person I had evolved into. We no longer shared common interests nor held the same philosophical beliefs.
Girlfriends
On more than one occasion I found myself defending my beliefs and my decision on how I chose to live my life to people who just did not get it. Not to mention the many times I ended up scratching my head in response to some off-based, immature, self-serving personal ideology expressed by all of these “friends”. Too many times the thought crossed my mind that I was walking among aliens – always feeling like the “odd man out”.
One time in particular, me and these three “friends” were discussing one friend’s decision to have a child without getting married and no real plans to have the father in the child’s life. Her “dream” was that we would all have children within the same age range and raise them together. These dream children would grow up to be friends – like us.
After expressing my support for this friend and her decision, I explained that this would not be the route for me for I believe a child needs both parents and I would not embark upon the difficult path of single motherhood knowingly and willingly. I stood my ground even in the face of these “friends” assuring me I would not be alone because they would be there for me.
Most rational, logically thinking persons can see the fallacy in that “argument/assurance”. However, I found myself pointing out to them that at the end of the day the responsibility of feeding, clothing, nurturing, and educating said child will fall squarely at my feet. It wasn’t something to take lightly or enter into haphazardly. This concept seemed to be lost on them because in the same conversation one person so eloquently referred to me as a “fantasy bitch”.
Yes. You read that right!
Because of my logical rationale…I was living in a fantasy world.
::DEEP SIGH::
Needless to say it was all downhill from there. However, it still took a few years for me to get to where I am today having removed each of them from my life.
Why so long you might wonder? Well, again, I had known these ladies for a large part of my adult life and reasoned that people do not always agree but can remain friends. I had 20+ years invested in these relationships and to just walk away seemed wrong to me.
It wasn’t until a conversation with another girlfriend about my reluctance to release the last of these friends that I had my “aha” moment. We were discussing how this relationship had deteriorated over time and how it left me feeling deflated. The friendship had become one-sided and burdensome – a virtual albatross on my spirit. She said to me, “You’re holding on to this last friendship like people do with bad marriages because they feel like they’ve put in so much time and effort. But the relationship has reached its peak and is no longer growing or evolving. How long will you hold on to something that is, by all accounts, dead?”
That stopped me in my tracks.
It was at that moment I realized it was okay to cut the ties. The relationship was no longer working for me and it was okay to set it free and to free myself from the weight of it all.
I realized my decision to walk away from this friendship did not reflect negatively on me. It did not mean I was a flaky individual unable of sustaining a friendship because the years I remained a loyal faithful friend proved otherwise.
What it does mean is that I have the courage to move forward, to grow, to evolve and I realize that everyone will not be a part of nor bear witness to this evolvement.
To those friends of my past – I wish you the best.
So long.
Farewell.
Auf Wiedersehen.
Goodbye.
I Am Chocl8t 
You read my post about this topic on my own blog, and so you know I’ll support you because I know what you’re going through. I think you’re doing the right thing.
Damn I wish more people had the courage to pursue their life path like this cause the world would be a much better and balanced place.
Choc, you always write the most awesome articles! Luv it!
Thank you Luv! 🙂
I’ma starting writing my book soon about how I TRIED to leave folk who don’t contribute to my world, mind, spirit and soul in a positive, gentle and honest way and them neggrids followed me anyway. I’ma billionaire now!
LOL…Don’t forget us little people when you make it big!!!
Hi there, lady! I love this entry! I just wanted to say that you are not alone! Self-preservation is a difficult path and “weeding out” is absolutely necessary to evolving.
I suppose the most difficult aspect is that you’ll have to re-program yourself for “a girls’ night out” (if you will). It took me 2 years to let a friend go and I really did miss her once I made that decision so I can truly relate to how tough this was for you. You sound as if you’re heading in the right direction FOR YOU! Sometimes I think we forget that we should consider our personal growth equally as important on this journey called ‘life’.
The nature of this demise is a bit surprising though. I too agree that a child needs both parents. I’m also one who thinks us women should have a bond as thick as family so we should be able to agree to disagree. That catty remark that was made (referred to me as a “fantasy bitch”)– well… I really think you’ll be fine soon and very soon. “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”
On a lighter note, I now have that song stuck in my head! haha “So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Goodbye.”… what movie was that song from?!! I’m drawing a blank but remember hearing that song as a youngster… (smiles)
Survey said : Sound Of Music
You’re welcome 😉
Well thanks, man! I was actually feeling that it may have been from the Sound of Music, but that was such a long time ago!
Thanks again, man! Awww, memories… 😉
But never to be confused with my personal favorite from Ferris Buller’s Day Off I give you Danke Schoen
Okay… you’re blowin’ my mind a bit based on the pic (avi). lol. “lookin’ all hard with the pimp hat” etc… LOL!
Thanks again for the memories! (winks and hugs)!!!
Great blog girl! True friends will support your decisions, they may not agree, but they will be supportive. See, that’s why I don’t have a lot of female friends….Blessings!
Sometimes friends are only in your life for a season. Last time I checked the season is bout to change!
I’m glad you were able to free yourself…
I know that is hard for many people…I don’t know that I understand why it’s so hard for people…cause I cut folks off for looking cross-eyed lol…but seriously if you serve no purpose in my life…I will remove you quickly….
but for some it’s not that easy so I congratulate you on taking that step to peace of mind so to speak…
So glad you are free! I went through something and even though it hurt in the beginning, I know now it was for the best.
I thank all of you for the support and kind words. I know I’m not alone in facing a decision such as this. The way I look at it is that I’ve made room for another friend. 😉
Who could have said this better. A talented soul you are. You are an artist with words.
Freedom is something that is born of pain and suffering. A feeling that is the birth of air in lungs filled with water. So to that, live free and dance!
Moonwalk in this bytch and do that spinning thing on your back! DANCE!
I know I’m late as hell, but I feel you. A lot of times, people just grow apart. Your goals and values change. And your views become incompatible.
I had to let someone go after only a short time of friendship because that person’s crazy came out. This chick had helped me with my wedding. But now, how she was dealing with some romantic shit in her life made me question her sanity and what she was saying about me behind my back (she had just broken up with a dude she’d been trying to get to wife her for four years even though dude said from jump he wasn’t interested in a commitment. After that, she was all sour grapes on marriage and went on to disparage the relationships/marriages of everyone she knew. She didn’t mention me or mine but I’m sure I’m in the same boat of folks’ marriages that she considers “ain’t shyt,” especially if I’m not around).