Communication and Opening Up

Holding back has never been my forte’. With those whom I trust, respect, and love, I am an open book. I share, with exuberance, my life which often times include my private thoughts and emotions – my heart.

There is no mystery. What you see is indeed what you get. It is who I am. I see no need for pretense.

Not everyone I meet, or know, is the same nor can they appreciate this fact about me. I find it hard, tedious even, trying to balance it all out – what I should reveal and what I should keep hidden within. Should I put all the cards on the table or play my hand close to the chest. It is a fine delicate line that I want to smudge, erase, and do away with completely. But alas, it is often times necessary to keep interest piqued. It is a game I have found difficulty mastering.


Painful is the only way to describe the conversation. Speaking to her on the matter and attempting to engage her in dialogue on a topic she initiated was nothing short of painful.

In recent months I have stepped away from “organized religion”(..uh..the “church“) for various reasons, none of which I will get into with this posting. This, much to the chagrin of my radical for Christ, neck deep in “the Word”, at church on Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday close friends.

I had been dreading this day but I knew it was coming. I had decided not to make some grand announcement about my choice but rather deal with it as it came up. Today was that day.

“I need you to be back in church next Sunday. This sabbatical of yours is over.” she says. “Actually, it isn’t”, I reply.

I assure her I still believe in God but I am not sure the form my “worshipping” will take on. I give her one reason for my departure and how this, and other issues, have gnawed at me for a very long time and I could no longer reconcile my actions and beliefs.

The response?

**crickets chirping**

Nothing. Vacant. Vapid. Flat.

After another attempt to get a response, I change the subject and she comes alive again.

Like I said before…painful.

13 thoughts on “Communication and Opening Up

  1. Poignant. Straight and to the point as well as poetic. No crickets chirping… some of us hear you!

    I have no doubt that solutions will manifest. Answers are within us all.

  2. I’ve had similar, but not with religion. Me & my mates seem to have an understanding that we believe/don’t believe certain things, and that is that. My similar conversations, however, have always been around homeopathy. Won’t go into it here, but my believe in science never seems to go down too well in respect of this subject….*shrug*……..

  3. Choc you and I are very similar in the fact that what you see is usually what you get…

    I have no filter…well I do but it’s rather clogged lol

    as for your “church convo”

    you know as well as anyone sis that “church folks” believe their way is the only way…

    when I run into someone like that…and they get to going on and on about what EYE need to do…I simply ask them why are they trying to block the blessing of me getting closer to GOD through my own self-exploration?….they usually back off…

    never change sis

    1. “Church folk” are a special kind aren’t they? LOL I’m forging ahead on my journey, no worries there, even though it can be a lonely road at times. 😉

  4. Stay strong Choc. It’s always better to stay true to yourself than to live a lie for the sake of others, no matter who those others may be.


  5. Your entire post mirrors who I am and what I believe and do not believe. I tried to fake it, once upon a time, to “respect” the wishes of others … but after witnessing all the good and bad and ugly in life performed by people who had the nerves to give me advice, I decided that I AM WHO I AM.

    I just think people who know, KNOW. And they can respect and deal me better.

    I am sure you feel me when I say this.

    1. You know what? It wasn’t so much what the Bible thumpers were doing in the dark that made me turn away. It was moreso religious practices…doing things “just cause”. Not knowing why you believe what you believe and being so instilled with fear that you’re too afraid to ask those questions. Hearing people “interpret” the Bible with their slant…Oh, I can go on but I will stop. But yes…breaking from it hasn’t been easy and I didn’t come to the decision lightly either. ::shrugs::

    1. “I’ll rather go to hell by choice than to go to heaven by following the crowd.” (Benjamin E. Mays)….the crowd has never been right. Don’t be afraid to stand alone!!!!

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