One Daddy, One Father – Twice Blessed

In honor of Father’s Day, I am reposting this. Happy Fathers Day! 6/21/2009

fatheranddaughter.jpgIt was my 16th birthday when Mom told me about my biological father – it wasn’t the man who raised me, Daddy. At that point, it all made sense. It answered the question of why I did not see my face in the face of my paternal grandmother nor the faces of my cousins. I didn’t seem to “fit“. No one in the family dared say a word to me.

Even though my face did not “fit” in the family photos, I did not feel out of place nor unwanted. You see, I was Daddy’s favorite and he spoiled me rotten. My grandmother love and doted on me as she did all of her grandchildren. It was she that took me to my first day of kindergarten. I was tied to her apron strings. 🙂

This news made no bit of difference to me nor about how I felt towards my family. It did not make me long to meet the man who planted the seed. If he didn’t want to be in my life, it was his loss not mine because I was loved and well cared for – I wanted for nothing. So imagine my surprise when, at the age of 28, Mom calls to say she has located my biological father and he wanted to speak with me. I was heated!!! Hot as fish grease!! How dare she try to force this man on me, into my life. “I have a daddy dammit and don’t need another one!” I remember yelling into the phone at her before I hung up. I didn’t speak to my mother for 2 weeks.

After two weeks of crying, praying, and crying some more, I called Mom with my blessing to give the “biological” my phone number. That first conversation with Mr. C was overwhelming. He explained the reason for his absence which aligned with what Mom had told me over the years. I still wasn’t ready to let my guard down though. Hell, it was going to take more than just one 2-hour conversation to get to me, especially after 28 years! We agreed to keep in touch and were ending the call saying our “good-byes” and “talk to you laters” when he said “I love you“. “How can you love me? You don’t even know me!”, I replied. Mr. C responds, “Because you’re mine.” I wept uncontrollably.

To this day, I cannot adequately explain the emotions I felt at that moment.

Two weeks later I was debarking a plane at Chicago’s Midway Airport to meet my biological father for the first time. On that trip, I also met my older sister & brother, 2 nieces (one could be my twin), 1 nephew, an aunt, and a host of cousins.  My sister said, while giving me a big bear hug, “I always wanted a sister.” Each and every one of them were warm, loving and welcoming – so much so that I was again overwhelmed. I saw my face in each of their faces. I fit!

Their only question was why I waited so long to reach out to them. I explained that although I had known since I was 16, I didn’t feel a need to contact them because I had a family that loved and accepted me – a daddy, a grandmother, and a host cousins, aunts and uncles.

My biological father and I talk regularly. I still call him Mr. C, much to the chagrin of Aunt Doll, his sister – she thinks I should call him “daddy“. But he understands and that’s all that really matters.

I had a daddy. I have a father. I am tremendously blessed.

In memory of  my daddy, W.J.M. 12/4/1934 – 1/21/1997

In memory of my father, V.D.C. 07/17/1935 – 11/14/2010

19 thoughts on “One Daddy, One Father – Twice Blessed

  1. So eloquently put Choc. How wonderful to have 2 loving Daddys/Fathers in your life no matter what the timing. Your heart has grown bigger because of that 🙂

  2. What a beautiful story! You are truly blessed. I’m glad you asked your bio about the “I love you” statement and he gave you a genuine response. Girl you’ve got me in tears.

    I’ll have to email you about the updates regarding my “reunion”. He’s actually flying down next week and my emotions are all over the place between joyful and wanting to go hide.

  3. Hell, I actually knew my pops and his people and I still can’t see me kicking with them rat bastards. I look just like ’em an all that. Yet most of the time is simply refer to them as dem niggas. I can’t really get myself to accept none of ’em for shit. I don’t really want to….. but then again I kinda wish I could and actually be part of the family that I share the same last name with, but then again….I got my momma and sister who have always been there and always will be. I don’t need nam notta nother person.

  4. I think you are blessed. An extended family to share your life with. A father, a daddy. After my Dad passed away, I flew to New Jersey to meet some of my cousins, aunts and uncles. I found out so much about my parents, things they never shared. My Mom was adopted. I tried for many years after her death to find her sister. I was too late to meet her, but, I did get to meet my cousin, Janice. What happiness that has brought to my life. She’s my soulmate, my friend. I know had we grown up close to each other, we would have had so much fun, we share so much. Family is everything to me. Your story was a beautiful one. God does have a way of giving us what we need when we least expect it.

  5. Kimmy & Nana – I was surprised by the love shown to me and my capacity to recriprocate. The heart is an amazing thing.

    AJ – sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry (nor anyone else, *wink*) But yeah the memory of that moment still gets to me. Funny how, I’ve written about it here but I’ve never shared with him how that moment affected me. Maybe I’ll muster up to courage to do that soon. 😉

    Bully – I don’t know the history of you and your father and his family. I will pray that you find the courage to open your heart to the possiblity of reconnecting. You probably can’t fathom that at this point in your life, I understand. But maybe when and if you have children of your own, you’ll have a different perspective…Maybe. 🙂

  6. You got me on your fathers response “Cause you mine” that had me holding my heart. I didn’t meet my “real father” until my late twenties. We keep in contact but he will only be “Joe” to me. Unlike you I didn’t have a ‘replacement” so I had my share of “Daddy issues”. At this point it does not even matter…

  7. I’m glad to see that you were able to begin the process of healing and attempt to forge a relationship with your father. As long as he doesn’t disappear on you again, you’ll be all the better because of it. This coming from a man who know who his father is, but wishes he didin’t.

  8. Our stories are a bit different, but I have a Daddy and a father as well. My parents divorced when I was 2, but I’ve always been in touch with my biological father. Because of some of his irresponsible and immature choices, he and I have more of a brother/sister relationship than father/daughter, in many ways. My mom married my stepdad when I was 5. He’s the only Dad I’ve ever really known. Like you, I was completely accepted in his side of the family.

    At my wedding, my Dad walked me down the aisle. When I reached the front of the church, my father (a groomsman) stepped forward and kissed me. They both “gave me away” when the pastor asked. It was a nice balance.

    Both men have a unique place in my heart, and I feel blessed. It was great to read your story. 🙂

  9. wow what a wonderful story.i wonder if i could have not been to stubborn to give him the time of day. but you did, and got a whole additional family to love, and that loves you.

    very cool

  10. I don’t know my father. Last saw him around age 8. He did not seem to care much about me. My moms never talked about him,yet I knew he was a sore spot in her life. It has been almost 30 years since I have saw him and I don’t remember how he looks.

    I have wanted to find him just to rest my questions. I then cringe at what can of worms I will open up. I have tried on the Internet and there are tons of men with his name.

    It is good you reconciled with your father. It is not easy when you have unrest about your parentage and not resolve it. What a great blessing.

  11. Sunshine, Jaybee, Leslie, & Shai – thanks for sharing your stories with me. Your stories remind me how blessed I really am but at the same time breaks my heart because I know there are many out there who will not have the same experience I did. For those of you to whom this applies, I pray for peace and joy to inhabit your hearts. Know that God LOVES you deeply. I pray that one day there may be reconciliation.

    Sunshine – I never thought of my daddy (the man who raised me) as a “replacement”. LOL He was the real deal! He was the first string player, the starter, the ALL STAR! 🙂

    Shai – don’t stop searching. You never know, he may be looking for you too. That can of worms will take care of itself. Good luck! 🙂

    DB & Ara – thank you.

  12. You are sooooo freekin’ blessed! I wish, I wish, I wish that had’ve been a blessing for me. I have been through sooo much in my life! I cried out and contacted my biological father due to a life and death situation and that mofo introduced me to the family, and then started lyin’ and talkin’ about me; tricked me and then kicked me to the curb, and he didn’t know a thing about me nor had he ever met me. I am sooo fukkin’ hurt! I can’t go into the logistics of what has been goin’ on, but I am crushed! Hold on to your family and friends and cherish all the moments of the additions to your family for memories is all that we all have to cherish!

    1. Anon – I’m so sorry to hear your experience was such an unfortunate one. But I’m certain it’s his loss and not yours. You’ll be the better for not having such a heartless person in your life, although it may not feel like that now. Keep your head up!

  13. Chocl8t, once again you surprise me. WOW! I have had many daddy issues of my own. In the last couple of years, God has done maintenance on my heart in regards to my dad. I can’t go back in time and recapture all of those (wish I had a’s) but I’ve learned that when you lose a Mother and your father is left. Life changes your perspective. He may not have been a good Daddy, but for whatever reason he’s made that up to us by being an awesome Grandpa. It is ironic when I think about if my mother still lived, I would not have been forced to take the journey with my Dad. I am better for it as are all of my siblings. I’ve had to lead by example and that was to totally forgive/forget. You can’t do forgiveness half way. It only stunts your growth and keeps your fist closed. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think I will call my Dad now.

  14. Hey Tammie – You’re an interesting, smart and intelligent woman. I am enjoying getting to know you through your inner thoughts and expressions. Thanks for being so transparent and authentic.

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