I was on my way to church and there were two cars ahead of me in the turning lane Sunday morning. The pickup truck was #2 in line, the Protoge’, #1.  The arrow turns green and it takes Car #1 at least 30 seconds to proceed but not before I honk my horn.

We’re now on the two lane street, all three vehicles that were at the light. The pickup truck driver has had enough of the slow poke driving Miss Daisy and passes car #1 illegally. Yes, I followed suit.

No biggie. Done deal. At least that’s what I thought until I pull into the church parking lot and park.

“You really don’t want that truck, do you?”, she says loudly. “Excuse me?”, I respond with a puzzled look on my face wondering why my fellow choir member is asking me this bizarre question.

She proceeds, “Had I been a police officer, I could have pulled you over“. It then clicks…it was her in Car #1whom I had passed a few minutes earlier. “Oh, had you been a cop, I wouldn’t have passed you“, I respond with my smart-assed tone reserved for such incidents where I’m being chastised by someone who has overstepped the line.

Head tilted to the side, I just look in disbelief  as girlfriend continues to chastise me about my driving. I said nothing but I am certain the look on my face read “Bitch, please.” For once in my recent memory, I held my tongue. However, I was pissed but I decided to let it go. I wasn’t going to let the incident ruin my morning.

Later in the afternoon I check my email only to see a message from miss choir member lady. She was attempting to apologize but it fell short. If your apology to me includes a “But”, it really isn’t an apology but rather an attempt to justify your disrespectful behavior.

From: ****
Subject: With Love
To: Chocl8t
Date: Sunday, May 3, 2009, 8:37 AM

Chocl8t, First of all I want to say I apologize for blasting you out in front of my passenger. As I drove up I and saw your face before you saw mine and I could see that you were troubled. Please don’t let your mind be so preoccupied that it takes you away from the real deal.

First of all, I was not “troubled”. I was only preoccupied with getting around your slow driving ass.  Here it is..the “But“…

Wait for it…wait for it…

That red truck had been pushing me for awhile and if they had waited at least another 10 seconds I would have pulled over in a safe area and the both of you could have passed. I don’t have a problem bowing down. I would rather bow down than to buck up. Bucking up takes the situation father than you had plan to go.

So in essence, your were already pissed off with the driver of the truck and since you couldn’t get to him I was next in line. You didn’t approach me “With Love” as the email was titled. Your ass needed to vent and I was available.

When I saw your car and license plate I thought back to our conversation at D**** Studios. You said, “You really wish you did not have that truck.” I thought to myself she really meant that because Chocl8t is driving that truck like she does not want it.

Nooo, that isn’t what I said. I said it wasn’t the most sound financial decision I made. But I love my truck. Everyone who knows me, knows I LOVE MY TRUCK. But I understand how you couldn’t quite recall that conversation with accuracy at the moment because you were PISSY with the truck driver and me for passing your Driving Miss Daisy ass a few minutes earlier.

Be careful baby. You don’t want to lose the truck and a limb or your pretty face or your life trying to get some where fast. I am just ministering to you with love.

Sincerely,
S*** M***

Save your spiritual in the name of Jesus line for someone who can’t recognize bullshit when she sees it. Oh, and I’m not your dayum ‘baby’.

And another thing…stop trying to hide behind God and Jesus with your shitty behavior. He sees you and so does everyone else.

MmmKayThanks. Buh-bye.