Momma’s Little Fire Bug

A recent news story about the third graders who plotted to kill their teacher got a lot of people talking. Talking specifically about discipline and how it should be administered.

If you’re not new to my spot you know where I stand on the issue. However, this post isn’t about corporal punishment. It is about one of my brief walks on the dark side and the resulting consequences and repercussions.

matches2.jpgDid I ever tell how I set my mother’s hair on fire when I was about 7 or 8 years old? I was about the same age as those third graders. Mom was sporting her Angela Davis Afro fresh from the barber shop, “The Head Hunters“. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was bored sitting on a Charles Chips can next to mom’s bed as she was napping.

Hmmm, well lookie there…matches on the nightstand.

Ssscratch…lit one. Ooooh the fire…lookie the pretty blue and orange flame. Wwwoo….blew it out. The smoke floats in the air like a soft quiet cloud.

Lets do that again!!!

Ssscrath…lit another one. Wwwoo…blew it out. That’s sooo cool!

Mama shifts in her sleep and turns her back towards me. The AfroSheen glisten of momma’s afro catches my eye. I look at the match. I look at the afro. Match. Afro.

Ssscratch…lit the third one. It starts like a teardrop rolling upwards from the middle of her afro slowly creeping up her head. I quickly realize this was not going to end well. Letting out a small yelp, I put out the fire with a single swat of my hand. Momma sprang up out of sleep and said “Chocl8t. What are you doing?” “Nothing” I said wide-eyed and nervously shifting my bottom on the can.

*Sniff-Sniff* “Is that hair I smell burning?” she asks. Feeling the back of her hair with her right hand momma asks “Child, did you burn my hair?”. “No ma’am” I said with my eyes big as half dollar coins. “Yes you did! You set my hair on fire!” she yells as she edges off the bed making her way to the bathroom with a hand mirror. My protest to the contrary falls on deaf ears as she reviews the evidence of singed hair in the mirror.

Are you trying to kill me?” she asked.

Crying now, I said “Noooo momma, nooo!”.

Yes, you are! Do you realize my whole head could have gone up in flames?! The bed could have caught fire! The curtains! The whole dayum house could have burned down!” she said while glaring at me with a look of horror. “Get my dayum belt!”

Honestly, she didn’t have to whoop me because what cut to my core was her assertion that I was trying to kill her…that I could have killed her. I don’t remember the whooping but those words have remained with me and how I felt the moment she said them.

Nah, she didn’t have to whoop me but it was probably a good thing she did.

17 thoughts on “Momma’s Little Fire Bug

  1. The retarded ass, back woods, red neck town we are being forced to live in right now is in a county that has made it illegal to spank your children. Yes, You are not even allowed to use the flat of your hand to lay down the law here! S-T-U-P-I-D! These kids are going to grow up thinking they can do what ever to whom ever, and then the courts are going to blame the parents for it. I am just glad my kids were raised where I could give them proper boundries and discipline before we had to move here. They are respectful, polite, and courteous to adults and classmates alike. stupid ass resnecks!

  2. LMAO!!! It ain’t funny but….yes it is!!! Chocl8t was a pyrotechnic firefreak!!! Anyone that knows me knows that I spank my kids and ask anyone that knows them and they will tell you that they are respectful, courteous and polite to adults and their friends. Kids need discipline to know that there are repercussions for their actions.

    I’m still LMAO tho. Very good story Choc, very descriptive. I was sitting right there next to you watching you light your mama’s hair on fire. 🙂

  3. LMAO! Kimmy so was I, I could see her facial expressions as she blew one out, lit another! Choc, thank God she woke up and nothing worse happened, but yo lil’ azz deserved that whipping.

  4. Hey Choc!
    I came by looking for OSF, but man I still have tears in my eyes after reading this hot mess!! This is classic!! I want to whoop you my darn self!!

  5. LOL – The amazing thing is that you lived to tell the story – you know our folks didn’t play back in the day. Do you twitch when you see flames now? But seriously – sometimes the words cut deeper than the belt.

  6. Choc, I’m laughing so hard. I’m sure you weren’t when Momma got thru with you though. What we do as kids. No way I’m going there. Let’s just say Nana’s “way to crime” was quickly silence by the intervention of God. My parents never knew, unless that store manager called them after I left. I’m sure not, because I would have felt the hand of the Father on that one for sure.

  7. LMAO! The original Fire Starter! But you didn’t’ answer the question. . .DO you twitch every time you see a flame? LMAO!!

  8. You words seem so innocent when you were saying that you weren’t trying to kill her. Have you all ever really talked about that incident when you got older? Are you really close now?

  9. Yeah, it’s funny now but believe me I wasn’t laughing when she whipped my behind!!

    @ Eve & Jex – nah, flames don’t make me flinch but that incident cured my curiousity with fire. 🙂

    @JayBee – my mother and I are very close and this incident has been discussed ad nauseum as it is the running joke in our family. No subliminal agenda or wishes nor psychological issues attributed to my brief fascination with fire.

  10. u were abad lill lol. My book release party will be held at the M-Bar (image 2 rt)

    April 24, 2008 from 7 to 10pm

    257 Peters Street, Atlanta, Ga 30311

    phone: 404 523 1555
    so be there folk

  11. Wow, you didn’t get a whooping? I got a whooping just for looking the wrong way. I guess the words hurt more that any physical punishment would have.
    By the way, I appreciate you stopping by my space and giving your input on things. I agree with you that what our ISPs are doing is rather scary.
    See ya around the blogosphere.

  12. @ ChocolateM – Oh, I got a whooping! Trust and believe my mom didn’t fool around. 🙂 But I think what hurt worse than the whooping was her saying I was trying to kill her cause she was MY WORLD!

  13. Oh yes, she did need to get the belt. I know curiosity gets to the best of us, but boy that could have ended differently. She knew you were not trying to kill her, she just had to do some psychological whooping, as well.

  14. The OSF theme for this week is wedding songs: songs you got married to or songs you would like played at your wedding. Pass it along. I’m in a sentimental mood.

    I hope you can get very creative with this theme. I know it’s cheesy, but I’m just interested in what the men will play.

  15. Lord Jesus prepare a ass whoopin’ for the pyromaniacal motherless child……. *sendin bag of belts via certified mail*

    – Moderator Z’maji

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