RKelly and My Old Wound – Part I

angry.jpgVee, my sister, was hot as fish grease! Infuriated by comments she heard on the radio and needing to vent, she called me. I’ll get to that in a moment.

The morning show crew on one of the local Atlanta radio stations, V-103, was discussing the latest RKelly news/gossip. About a month ago, RKelly’s publicist, Regina Daniels, issued a statement announcing her resignation from this position and formally disassociating herself from the R&B crooner. Her husband, George Daniels, followed suit.

The statement read in part “I have always prided myself on professionalism, respect and loyalty,” says Daniels. “I ended my relationship with Kelly because there are some lines you just don’t cross.” It is now rumored that RKelly allegedly slept with the Daniels’ daughter (who is 19) when she was 14 years old and this is reason for the Daniels’ departure.

The radio station opened its phone lines for listeners to call and voice their opinions. A few of the comments had Vee heated!

“The men are not always at fault. I started pushing up on grown men when I was 12.”

“Have you seen these girls? They look like grown women! They know what they are doing.”

Vee and I discussed this for a few minutes and the phone call ended.

Later in the day on another blog the RKelly topic came up and a commenter stated that the parents of this young lady should be brought up on charges if the allegations are true and asked where were they.  The commenter also referenced one of the radio listener’s comments about it not always being the man’s fault, although she didn’t agree with that.

j0433821.pngLets stop right here. Now, I’m the one heated.

The man is always at fault! He is the ADULT! I don’t care how “developed” a girl is, she is still a child and the ADULT needs to RUN, not walk, away from her if necessary! PERIOD!

With regards to the parents – they don’t always know.

Wait. Hear me out. I have first hand experience/knowledge.

Not knowing for sure what went on with RKelly’s publicist, I am going to speculate and assume the allegations are true. Hence the following argument:

Knowing him (Rkelly) for such a long time he probably assured the Daniels that what was being said was not true. Being close friends and wanting to believe him, they took him at his word and were probably very protective of “him”.

RKelly, being the PEDOPHILE he is, charmed the parents and betrayed their confidence by sleeping with their 14 yr old daughter! This is how a pedophile works. He gains the trust of the child, and most times the parents, and then he proceeds to violate the child(ren) without the parents’ knowledge. They tend to be family members or close family friends or acquaintances…rarely strangers!

The experience/knowledge?

motherembrace.jpgI was 22 years old before I had the courage to tell my mother and sister that I had been molested by an uncle. It occurred on a regular basis from the time I was about 4 or 5 years old until I was 8 or 9 years old.

An uncle. A relative. A family member.

He already had the trust of my parents since he was my father’s baby brother who was only eight years older than me. I don’t ever remember him threatening harm to me or my parents (many pedophiles use this as a means to keep their victims silent) but I do remember feeling it was wrong and I was ashamed. He took a different route, always proclaiming me as his “favorite” niece. Disgusting.

I made my mom and sister promise not to tell anyone, especially my dad and grandmother (dad’s mom). Both died and went to their graves not knowing the truth. It wasn’t until about six years ago I decided not to continue living with the shame and the guilt. I released them from keeping the secret. I also put a stop to this uncle contacting me on holidays and birthdays to extend his well wishes. I talked openly to other family members about my experience and to my horror found out that I wasn’t the only one. He had molested another one of his nieces, my cousin. She didn’t tell her mother until her early 20s either.

The parents don’t alway know.

If the rumors are true about RKelly and the Daniels, don’t be so quick to point the fingers at the parents. Odds are they didn’t have a clue.

RKELLY is a sick bastard and the adults and people in general who continue to support him by purchasing his music and attending his concerts – SHAME ON YOU!

Well, he hasn’t been convicted of anything yet’, you say. Maybe not, but RKelly has shown to have an affinity, a proclivity for young girls, e.g. his annulled marriage to Aaliyah plus the many other rumored encounters.

j0423034.jpgWhat if it was your daughter? Think about it!

One more thing before you leave.

Please DO NOT think of me or look at me as a victim. I am not. I want no one’s pity. I am a SURVIVOR. I’ve never looked at myself as a victim nor have I ever defined myself by what happened to me as a little girl. That would give the miscreant too much power over me.

I do pray to find forgiveness in my heart for this uncle for that is the only way for me to be totally free. Little by little the forgiveness grows in my heart edging out the anger and resentment. It is a work in progress.

I am a happy well adjusted woman and I love life!

14 thoughts on “RKelly and My Old Wound – Part I

  1. Choc, thank you so much for telling your story. You are very brave to have shared your at all. Much less with people you hardly know and potentially, the world.

    I still point my finger at the parents. Friend or no friend, relative or not. Once the allegation came up for something so heinous, Kelly would have had VERY limited contact with my child, if any.

    Innocent until proven guilty my azz. Something like this cannot wait until it’s too late.

    If there is a question in my mind as to his guilt, I may continue to associate with him, but he will be no where near my child without me around.

    I thought he was off when he married Aliyah. That would have been enough for me. But that’s just me.

  2. The comments from the radio listeners are reprehensible. Since when is the victim at fault? Comments like that lead to more and more victims keeping quiet. It’s the adults fault, period.

  3. Jex,thanks for the compliment about being brave. I just refuse to live my life bound to someone’s nasty little secret that was not my fault for which I should feel no shame! It isn’t my burden to carry and I refuse to do it. Talking about it frees me from that bondage and I don’t care who knows. 🙂

    Kimmy, I agree 100%

  4. {{{{{{{{Choc}}}}}}}}}}. You are a strong sister!

    In re. to R Kelly, I somewhat blame the parents too. Friend or no friend, or family, if I Know you have been accused of being a pedophile there is no way I would leave my child in their presence alone. My husband and I have a friend who is always telling our daughter how cute she is and buying her gifts, but Trust he will never be alone with her at any time. I’ve never heard anything negative about him but my instincts tell me ‘watch that’ whenever he’s around her.

  5. It’s hard for me to imagine knowing all the stories that have surrounded RK to give him that “trust” around your child. I was so aware of wherever my daughters were and now we are equally in tune with grandson. Choc, to open up to all about your incident shows bravery beyond what is imaginable. I continue to admire you for all your accomplishments. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

  6. Well, nobody is blaming the parents more than themselves right now. I agree somewhat but predators are predators and charm, lie and worm their way around everything moral to get what they want.

  7. hold up I’m not finished yet…..the sick bastardos. Once proven as a predator, molester, whatever you wanna call them they should be either put to death or all be put together in jail for life with bread and water only…none of the extra stuff. It has been proven time and time again that a pedophile cannot be rehabilitated so they need to be ousted out of society forever.JMO

  8. To this day, my mom still blames herself a little but she shouldn’t. She remembers things in hindsight that would have been clues, like me not wanting to go to my grandmother’s house, my clinging to her for dear life but not knowing the signs, she shrugged it off.

    Given the times, it was the 70s, child molestation was not discussed openly…it was “hush-hush”. To some degree it is still that way in the African American community, sadly enough.

    But I have never blamed my parents. How could they have known?

  9. I would have to agree on a small level that the parents are somewhat to blame. As a mother, I know that my husband and I are my sons protectors. One is ten and the other is three. People are crazy, and anything could happen. I don’t trust anyone. No uncles, no cousins, nobody. People say that I am over protective of Michael, but this day in age, you have to be. He has never spent the night with anyone other than my sister and Robert has only stayed at his mom’s house other than ours. I’m sorry, but I don’t even trust my mother’s husband. I have know him for years, but it doesn’t mean anything to me. The only person I trust that will not hurt my son is me and daddy. And in some families, daddy ain’t even safe.

    As someone else pointed out, if you KNOW that a person has been accused of molestation, why would you allow your daughter to ever be in the presence of that person. No Kelly has not been convicted of anything, but the allegations are there. This girl’s parents should have protected her. If they were around when the Aaliyah marriage was annulled, that was the first sign that he loves younger females. Do you TRUST him just because you work closely with him? Hell no! Do you allow him to spend time with your daughter even though you trust her. No! Girls are easily manipulated and looking for love in all the wrong places.

    I am not judging R Kelly because he has not been proven guilty, but I am not putting the blame on him 100% if the story is true.

    But I do have to agree that it is NEVER the child’s fault. I don’t care how grown they look, act, or screw (excuse the language), they are never at fault 😦

  10. Stay strong sister. While your story is disturbing, the fact that you freed yourself of the guilt and shame is inspiring. So many of us hold on to things and feel ashamed because of the actions of another. I still struggle with my fathers abandonment – I must release it all and place it back in his lap.

    As far as R.Kelly, I think the parents should have been more cautious with their child being available to someone accused of molestation. It’s sort of like the whole Michael Jackson/kid thing. If you know a person has even the slightest potential of molesting your children, you need to watch over them more closely.

  11. hey sis, this is a good read and definitely worth a discussion. i feel just like you do in that the man is always responsible in this case r. kelly is to blame. sure people can say that these under age girls are at fault, but please, give me a break and do not insult my f_ckin’ intelligence with that bullsh_t! i am 29-years old and the thought of even being intimate with a girl that is under age is truly disgusting; i mean for that matter i do not even find 18-year old girls attractive; i am too old for that sh_t though it is legal at that point. what in the world do i even have in common with a girl that is 18 years of age, better yet, a girl that is 12, 13, or 14 years old!? r. kelly is to take full blame for all of this. this n_gga is what…40-something sleeping with and peeing on underage girls! if you gotta piss on a woman, at least make sure she is a grown woman that can actually make the decision consciously and not because she was manipulated by the age that you have over her.

    i truly do hope that r. kelly get hits for every charge that is against him; he needs to be off of the street and i truly do want justice for the parents of those young girls.

  12. Let me say THANK YOU to all of you who have offered a voice of support and encouragement. 🙂

    If this is true regarding the Daniels’ whose to say if they didn’t take precautions with their daughter. The general public may never know.

    The main issue here, as well as many more we’ll never know about, is the adult. RKelly has a problem. He is a pedophile and the continued support by the black community of him is what disturbs me more than what the parents may or may not have done. It speaks to a larger issue and that is how, by and large, we turn a blind eye and deaf ear to these things. Playing ostrich and sticking our collective heads in the sand will not make this go away.

    @AJ prayer changes things and I will keep you lifted in mine.

    @ Marcus I agree that RKelly needs to rot in a jail somewhere but the reality of that happening gets slimmer and slimmer with every court delay. Wealth has its advantages.

  13. My stepfather molested my for 6 years when I was little when I was finally taken out of the house because of him. I dont blame him but more my mother, more than in one case was she right there whiles he was doing stuff to me, if she could,ve said something I’m sure that i would not be as messed up as i am right now. I even told her and she said I was lying.

  14. Thank u I have never came out and told anyone but my mother and I love her. But I think there should just have been more done then lets let this be are little secret. He should have went to JAIL!!!!!!! I don’t trust men or anyone because I dont even allow good people to love me and settle for losers.R Kelly is nasty bastard who needs to go to jail so he can keep his hands off of peoples children.I agree parents should pay attention to the small things so you can know that something is wrong. I love the Lord and he has brought me to this point I forgive my grandfather and the lord forgives him too.Let the past go but dont allow it to repeat in ur mind and manifest in your heart u are so much more the your molester.

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