“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was an interesting post in a Facebook group to which I am a member, “Expat Women of Color”. This is a group that is “designed to educate and provide resources for women of color who desire to or are currently living abroad”.

The post read as follows:

In your cities do other black folk that you meet give you a welcome smile or avert their eyes? I’m a born and raised Southerner whose parents passed at ages 77 and 89. That’s to let you in on how old school I was raised. It really hurts me when a sister or brother will look in every direction except at me when our paths meet. I see Filipinos embrace and travel in packs but sustahs gotta ‘pledge’ you before they befriend in many cases. After they do befriend, we are great pals, but the initial is a trip. i try to be the change that i wanna see but it gets old. Wow… Off my soapbox now.

The responses were overwhelmingly supportive with the majority of women expressing sadness for her experience and sharing their own experiences. I have had similar experiences while travelling, most recently on a trip to Cancun with my mother.

I love seeing other people of color when I travel, especially black women. It makes me happy to know they are expanding their horizons and decided to venture outside of their little corners of the world. I try to make eye contact, smile and say hello but on more than one occasion, the responses were less than friendly and bordered on rude. Either they avert their eyes or give me the “why are you speaking to me” look, which sometimes presents itself as a disdainful grunt. It almost always leaves me puzzled.

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After months of weighing the pros and cons and how it would affect my lifestyle, I have adopted a dog. Her name is Lola and she is a 4-year old Boxer.

I want to thank the amazing volunteers at Atlanta Boxer Rescue who are committed to saving these wonderful animals from a certain death, nursing them back to health and placing them with families who will love them for the rest of their lives. I want to specifically thank Terry E. (adoption coordinator) and Jennifer S. (Lola’s, formerly named Dora, foster). You guys ROCK!!

Lola is the first dog I’ve owned as an adult and I was somewhat anxious about it. The last dog I lived with on a daily basis was my dad’s Irish Setter, Kelly, when I was 10 years old and my dad allowed me to walk him alone at night in our neighborhood.

On her first day with me, Lola paced the floors for about an hour before she settled in front of the television. With some prompting from me, she went into her crate for the first time. Now she goes in the crate on her own. She walks well on her leash looking back to make sure I’m still there and if she gets too far ahead of me, a slight tug on the leash will prompt her to come back to my side.

The only information about Lola’s past I have is that she was owner surrendered after her last litter of puppies. However, her reaction to certain things leads me to believe there may have been some abuse by her previous owner(s).

On our walk yesterday morning, I stumbled and tripped bumping into her as I was regaining my balance. The way she ran from me, cowering with her tail tucked, broke my heart. Immediately I got on my knees to comfort and reassure her she was safe. slowly she stopped trembling but she was on edge for the entire walk.

Just this morning, I was petting her while I was sitting on the sofa when I feel something near the top of her head. I reach to move the lamp closer for better lighting. As I lift the lamp, she cowers again and attempted to retreat.

This little girl will need lots of love and reassurance that whatever happened in her past is never going to happen again.

On a more positive note, I got her to sit on command this morning using positive reinforcement with some doggy treats. YAAAYY for Lola!!

Another milestone, mines and not hers…I had to pick up her poop for the first time on our walk last night. YIKES!! The key to me doing this without losing my lunch is to disconnect completely from the task. But maaaan, look…nothing quite prepares you for the warm mushy feel through the plastic. NOTHING!!!

Yeah. Welcome to pet ownership!!

Although we’re only three days into it, I am happy with Lola and I am positive this is the beginning of a very rewarding experience for both me and Lola!

I don’t like change. It scares me. The irony here is that I am always striving to learn new things and I believe knowledge is the precursor to growth and you can’t grow without changing.

Over the years, I have made a point to perform a “self inventory”. I take a look at my whole being, surveying what works and what doesn’t and make changes, improvements, and adjustments accordingly. I am not the same person I was five years ago nor even one year ago.

Growth, to me, means movement, motion. Merriam Webster defines change as “progressive development, evolution“. So, if I seek knowledge which leads to growth, i.e. movement, why do I not like change and why do I have such a difficult time with it?

I get used to the routine an the comfort that comes from that routine. I know what to expect. Being comfortable can also lead to complacency and stagnation. This applies to my daily routine, things on the job, and in my personal relationships.

My initial response to change is to resist it kicking and screaming thus creating unnecessary tension and turmoil within and sometimes, externally. However, upon acceptance, I look around and think to myself, “hey, this isn’t so bad”.

A close personal long-term relationship has changed and I am at, what I hope to be, the tail end of my “resistance” phase. I recognized the change the moment it happened. I had a revelation and had I listened to the initial prompting to let it go at that moment, I would not have lamented about it as I have for the past year.

Because of my own personal growth, I knew that I no longer fit into this relationship and nor did it fit within my life. The purpose of our pairing had been met and the season was over but I did not want to let go. As a result I imprisoned myself by holding on and trying to force the relationship to remain where I wanted it to be.

Tension, turmoil, resentment, and anger soon followed. Slowly, acceptance has come.

Today, I have made the choice to stop crying over something that is dead and to stop trying to resurrect it. I have also made the decision to stop resisting and not be afraid of change as it manifests in my life but to embrace it, knowing it is the result of growth or even the precursor to it.

Today, I have made the choice to turn the page. And who knows…tomorrow just might be the day I look around and think to myself…hey, this isn’t so bad.