Chocl8t Dating

Single & Cynical in the City

It’s no secret that I’m single. It’s also no secret that it is hard being a single female in Atlanta. Hard if you choose not to screw men for sport or money, have some measure of dignity, and can recognize game when you see it. With that being said it should come as no surprise that I have been experiencing a long dry season. For a while it even seemed as if I couldn’t even buy a date…nothing was poppin for the kid. NOTHING!!

In the past couple of days I’ve had brief conversations with two potential “dates” or suitors. I hate those initial “getting to know you” talks. HATE ‘EM! Both young men made the same comment that causes a natural gag reflex with me.

“So, tell me about yourself“. Uuuugggghhhh!!!

There has to be a better way to get to know each other without feeling like I’m on a job interview or auditioning for The Bachelor/Bachelorette!!!  I don’t want to feel as if I’m giving you a run down of my qualifications.

[in my best game show contestant voice] ‘Well, my name is Chocl8t. I’m 41 years old. I enjoy hiking, kayaking, bowling, and white water rafting. I’m an Aquarius and I’m a people person’. Uuuugghhh!!!

Could it be these guys just haven’t mastered the art of conversation? Or could it be I’m just cynical, jaded and just expect too much? Is it too much to want an effortless conversation that flows like a cool stream? Is it too much to want to laugh and joke in the process?

What is your technique or M.O. in getting to know someone? Do you run down a list of questions or do you let the conversation flow and go where it goes?

X-Men Trifecta

What is up with the ex-lovers and ex-boyfriends calling? Two last week and one this week. My intention was not to give this more attention than it deserved but now I’m beginning to wonder…am I unconsciously emitting pheromones that are attracting past loves?

It started with a call from M2 ten days ago. Truthfully, I almost fell off my chair when the phone rang because I had not heard from him in over 7 months. After 6 years of going back & forth, being off & on, and not getting what I needed, I finally cut not only communication ties but heart ties as well. You could say I had an epiphany of sorts. The conversation was mostly catching up on what had been going on in each others lives and lasted about 15 minutes. I ended the conversation with an excuse of having to finish some things before heading out for the evening – it was important for me to remain in control of how and when the conversation ended. 😉

A few days later, MG calls. Although things ended between us over 7 years ago we occasionally keep in touch. Since he’s in another state this sporadic communication has never been an issue for me. This conversation started differently. After our “hello’s” and “how you doing’s”, MG’s first question is “Do you have a man?”. Next question, “Are you seeing anyone?”.

He proceeds to lay out his case by telling me he’s doing really well now and wants a “real woman” in his life.

Hmmm, really?

He continues with how he now has something more to bring to the table than just being a “good guy”.

Hmmm, really? More than your 3 kids, 3 baby mamas, and some good d**K?  

His business is doing well, his credit is good and he’s taking a gamble on several other ventures that have good odds of paying off.

Nah, bruh-man…I’ll pass. You know how it is…Once bitten, twice shy. So why is he blowing up my phone er’dayum-day? 😐

Rounding out this X-Men Trifecta is MP. He called and left a voice-mail just this morning. We’ve known each other since we were 14 years old and broke up over 16 years ago. This was the MOST dysfunctional relationship I have had in my life. I mentioned it in my Valentine’s Day post. Every woman I’m sure has one like this in her life. You know the one that tells you if you’re not married by a certain age, he’s going to be your husband? Maaaan, hell would have to freeze over a dozen times before that ever happened!!! There is a very good reason, in fact, many many reasons why you are an X!! Needless to say, I will not be returning the call!

I have moved on from all of these men and can say with all certainty that NOTHING, NADA, would ever happen again between me and either of them. :mumbles:  Well…with one exception……maybe. 😉 But he would have to dayum near walk on water before I let down that wall. And let’s face it, the last man to walk on water was Jesus. LOL!!

So why do men do this? Why can’t y’all get that shit right the first time? This isn’t golf!!! You can’t call a Mulligan dummy!!! There are NO DO OVERS, especially where my heart is involved.

Cross My Mind

I thought about him today. Actually…I think about him at least once a day. Something as obscure as a turkey burger conjures up memories of him. I’m big enough to admit that I miss him.

Thought about calling to say hello so I could hear his voice or sending a text message but that exchange will end like most of our “exchanges“: a walk down memory lane fueled by an undeniable attraction which will have me back at square one. So…I’ll pass.

M2…where-ever you are…”Hi. I miss you.”

This one is for you Doo-Doo Brown.

Sexy Dread: Don’t Hate The Playa, Hate The Game

The stairmaster on the second floor gives me a bird’s eye view of the place allowing me to soak in all the sites. Since I’ve been back in the gym on a consistent basis for the past few months, I recognize the regulars.

There’s the Mack Daddy who can barely work out for chatting loudly on his phone, nice body but he is too obvious. The body building couple that creeps me out because she is as masculine as him. I happen to catch them smooching in the parking lot before parting ways and it gave me the dry heaves. Other sorted varieties of gym rats are peppered throughout the place.

Then there are the club’s trainers who go about their business at hand. One in particular I’ve named “Sexy Dread” and he is just as the name describes. A dark chocolate, dread wearing man with perfect bone structure and a body shaped like a martini glass: broad shoulders, nice chest that slopes downwards to a slimmer waist and killer quads. Yeah, that stairmaster has quite the view.

I’ve peeped him out from time to time sometimes exchanging smiles and nods upon entering or exiting the gym. I look forward to the exchange hoping he is at the front desk when I arrive or leave. Today was no different.

Headed upstairs to my favorite workout spot, I take the steps two by two. Looking up, I realize Sexy Dread and another guy is just 3 stairmasters away in the midst of a conversation. I place my headphones over my ears and begin my 60 minute workout. Five minutes pass and I look up to see him headed down the stairs. Our eyes meet, he flashes a wide grin revealing the pearly whites and waves. I return the gesture. The next 55 minutes are a breeze!

As I’m leaving I am hoping to catch a glimpse of the sexiness once more but was disappointed because he was no where in sight. Oh well, maybe next time. Walking to my car in the parking lot I see him walking towards me, possibly headed back into the gym after a break.

As we approach one another he lowers his phone from his ear and places it in his pocket. “Didn’t we have an appointment?”, he asks smiling. “An appoint?”, I respond “For what?”. “For a complimentary workout session” he says. Then he asks “What’s your name?” (heh, heh, heh. Aiight playa-playa) “Chocl8t” I answer and extend my hand to shake his and I ask, “What’s your name“. (I don’t remember his name due to being overwhelmed by the temporary hormonal induced haze.) “Nice to meet you. No, we didn’t have an appoint” I respond. “Well, make sure you stop by to make an appointment with me” he says. “I’ll be sure to do just that“. I make it to my car giggling on the inside cause you gotta love a brotha for seeing an angle and trying to work it.

Game recognizes Game – I’m not new to it. So let’s play.

Blind Date, Bridges & Humility


He didn’t look like Denzel, Will Smith, Idris Elba, or Boris Kodjoe, although he can hold his own. But more importantly, neither did he look like Gary Coleman. The latter was a huge relief, believe me.A big shout out to Tracey, my matchmaking friend, who was on point with her description of my blind date. He is attractive, successful, funny, and yes, he was a nice guy. We exchanged contact information and have spoken since. The conversations were not contrived nor did it feel like we were interviewing job applicants. Wherever this is headed, my intent is to get there slowly with no preconceived ideas or expectations.

—————————-

How many times have you been in your car stuck on a bridge or overpass during rush hour traffic? If you’re like me more times than you would like. The bouncing, shaking and rattling always made me wonder what would happen if it suddenly gave way. The I-35 bridge collapse in Minneapolis on Wednesday answered that question and reinforced my fears.Living in a large metropolitan area bridges are like death and taxes – unavoidable. On my daily commute to work I cross at least seven bridges. Going forward, each one will be crossed with a prayer.

—————————–

Just last night I apologized to someone for something I said and the “way” I said it. On the surface this really isn’t a big deal until I tell you I claimed hell would first freeze over before I apologized.It was a heated exchange and I went for the jugular. In my relationships, familial, platonic, or romantic, I normally walk away from debates or arguments when I’m angry to avoid such heated exchanges. But there are those rare occasions when, before I know it, I am like a pit bull on attack mode. There’s no stopping until my thirst for blood is satisfied. Yes. It can get like that.

In the ten days from when the incident occurred and the apology was offered, God convicted my spirit. How did He do this you may ask? By using my grandmother, Laura L. Sterling. I kept hearing her voice in my head admonishing my behavior, ‘you know you weren’t raised liked that’…blah, blah, blah-ba-dee blah. Mother, or “Mudda”, has been gone from this earth for 11 years and let me tell you, they don’t make ‘em like her anymore.

For ten days I pouted, I stomped my feet, and I stood my ground on principle. For ten nights my sleep was restless and fitful. I refused, absolutely refused to humble myself, doggone it, I was right! I have played this game of tug-o-war with God before and I have never, ever won. Thus, I relented, repented, and humbled myself.

After all, when it is all said and done and I’ve gone to meet my maker, I need there to be one less thing for which I have to answer to God. Besides, I needed the sleep.