Helloooo BoB!!

As I pulled into the driveway, my heart raced with excitement seeing what was sitting on my front porch. Finally arrived and waiting for meeeee!! It’s on tonight!!

I hurry to prepare dinner, clean the kitchen, and shower so I can provide my undivided attention to my “guest“. I have replayed this scenario out in my mind for a while now and my expectations have me on a natural high. I am actually giddy. GIDDY!

Fresh out of the shower I saunter into the bedroom and slide into bed. The lights are dimmed low and the music has set the mood. Knowing I am going to sleep really well tonight, I let out a deep sigh.

Hummmmmmmm….Hummmmmmmmm…. Buzz..Buzzz…..Hummmmmm……..Hummmmm.

I shift around to find a better position.

Hummmmmmmm….Hummmmmmmmm….Buzz..Buzzz …..Hummmmmm……..Hummmmm.

I shift again.

Hummmmmmmm….Hummmmmmmmm….Buzz..Buzzz…..Hummmmmm……..Hummmmm.

This goes on for about 10 minutes until I can no longer take it.

That’s it!?!! Seriously?

This is what I waited for? Was I doing something wrong? Was it positioned incorrectly?

I wait until I’m 43 years old before I get with BoB and he didn’t deliver? Disappointed is an understatement. For all the ladies who swear by BoB…all I’ve got to say is…I just don’t get it. I don’t! Nor did I get my promised happy ending!!! BoB is a bitchass if you ask me.

It did nothing for me except leave me frustrated and wondering if I could return it and get a refund. Yeah, that’s nasty but I was pissed off – all dressed up and nowhere to go. Stick a fork in my ass cause I. AM. DONE!!

This experience has left me agreeing with someone, who shall remain nameless, that any encounter with BoB is…unnatural. Give me an old-fashioned Tyrone, Michael, Matthew, or David any day cause I will not be f**king with BoB again no time soon.

Ol bitchass….

17 thoughts on “Helloooo BoB!!

  1. I shouldn’t laugh but *LMAO*

    why BoB got to be a bitchass though sis…

    but you know…

    someone I dated introduced me to BoB some years ago….lets just say BoB is collecting dust….

    If I can’t have ___ then I’ll just let my fingers do the walking…

  2. Hey there Chocl8! Took me a minute to get what you were actually talking about but girlfriend, I can’t help but laugh a little! “BoB is a bitchass if you ask me” LMAO!

    Sounds like a guy I dated once! He’d mastered my required waiting period and the anticipation was at a all time by the time ‘the big night’ finally came. In short, I was terribly let down by is lack of knowledge of a woman’s body.

    Here’s an inexpensive, guaranteed “good time”– a shower massager. Put that sucka on pulse and let it flow! You’ll sleep like a baby and will be so fresh and so clean (clean)! hahaha.

    Funny back story for ya’… when I went to Iraq, I picked up a gadget (anticipating I probably wouldn’t meet anyone there for a while). When my bags were checked at the Baghdad airport, it was picked up in the scanning process… wouldn’t you know they confiscated my shyt?! Hahaha… I never bought a gadget again– never even got to use the darn thing! Oh the shame, the utter embarrassment! lol!

    I’ve gotta’ look this BoB up now…

      1. Yeah, they caught me! lol! “disorderly conduct”… u know you’re funny! lol

  3. “Give me an old-fashioned Tyrone, Michael, Matthew, or David any day…”

    So, no Fubs, huh…..?

    ::Storms out kicking rocks on way out….??

  4. “Give me an old-fashioned Tyrone, Michael, Matthew, or David any day…” So sorry that it has to be that way, but, then again, if it wasn’t, then I’m envious of an inanimate object. I think I’d rather be envious of a fellow male. I hope for your sake that you “get satisfied” soon and often (or at least get a good nights sleep). Gadgets for men? Unsightly, unwieldy, and oh so looked down upon by the rest of society. I mean, so I’ve heard. I couldn’t actually say so from 1st hand experience. This is what they tell me, anyway. Funny tale, and quite daring of you, if I must say. That a good thing, though. By the way – RITA Alert!!! You so c-r-a-z-y. Peace.

  5. “BoB is a bitchass if you ask me”

    LMAO! Never had a use for BoB myself. Just never turned me on. I’ll stick with moi’hand

  6. lmaooo!! Girly I don’t get it either. someone got me one as a gift and I wanted to give it back. It did nothing for me at all and I can please myself better with just my damn imagination if I need to lol. Soak BOB in some bleach and send him packin lol

  7. Toys don’t really do that much for me in general, but I got this free bullet when I threw a toy party and I tried it with some “pleasure enhancing cream” (I forgot the actual name) and it was going for a while and I was thinking “Fuck. Dud once again” (this was the third toy I’d tried in my life) and then all of a sudden I moved it a little into a different position and BAM, I started seeing stars. I came so hard I think everyone in the building heard me.

    During the toy party the lady was also selling this g-spot type thing that looked amazing…maybe you just need to find the right kind of toy for you. *shrugs*

    I do prefer the real thing, though, despite the stars I saw with the toy that time, I haven’t used it since.

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