Helloooo BoB!!

As I pulled into the driveway, my heart raced with excitement seeing what was sitting on my front porch. Finally arrived and waiting for meeeee!! It’s on tonight!!

I hurry to prepare dinner, clean the kitchen, and shower so I can provide my undivided attention to my “guest“. I have replayed this scenario out in my mind for a while now and my expectations have me on a natural high. I am actually giddy. GIDDY!

Fresh out of the shower I saunter into the bedroom and slide into bed. The lights are dimmed low and the music has set the mood. Knowing I am going to sleep really well tonight, I let out a deep sigh.

Hummmmmmmm….Hummmmmmmmm…. Buzz..Buzzz…..Hummmmmm……..Hummmmm.

I shift around to find a better position.

Hummmmmmmm….Hummmmmmmmm….Buzz..Buzzz …..Hummmmmm……..Hummmmm.

I shift again.


This goes on for about 10 minutes until I can no longer take it.

That’s it!?!! Seriously?

This is what I waited for? Was I doing something wrong? Was it positioned incorrectly?

I wait until I’m 43 years old before I get with BoB and he didn’t deliver? Disappointed is an understatement. For all the ladies who swear by BoB…all I’ve got to say is…I just don’t get it. I don’t! Nor did I get my promised happy ending!!! BoB is a bitchass if you ask me.

It did nothing for me except leave me frustrated and wondering if I could return it and get a refund. Yeah, that’s nasty but I was pissed off – all dressed up and nowhere to go. Stick a fork in my ass cause I. AM. DONE!!

This experience has left me agreeing with someone, who shall remain nameless, that any encounter with BoB is…unnatural. Give me an old-fashioned Tyrone, Michael, Matthew, or David any day cause I will not be f**king with BoB again no time soon.

Ol bitchass….

17 thoughts on “Helloooo BoB!!

  1. I shouldn’t laugh but *LMAO*

    why BoB got to be a bitchass though sis…

    but you know…

    someone I dated introduced me to BoB some years ago….lets just say BoB is collecting dust….

    If I can’t have ___ then I’ll just let my fingers do the walking…

  2. Hey there Chocl8! Took me a minute to get what you were actually talking about but girlfriend, I can’t help but laugh a little! “BoB is a bitchass if you ask me” LMAO!

    Sounds like a guy I dated once! He’d mastered my required waiting period and the anticipation was at a all time by the time ‘the big night’ finally came. In short, I was terribly let down by is lack of knowledge of a woman’s body.

    Here’s an inexpensive, guaranteed “good time”– a shower massager. Put that sucka on pulse and let it flow! You’ll sleep like a baby and will be so fresh and so clean (clean)! hahaha.

    Funny back story for ya’… when I went to Iraq, I picked up a gadget (anticipating I probably wouldn’t meet anyone there for a while). When my bags were checked at the Baghdad airport, it was picked up in the scanning process… wouldn’t you know they confiscated my shyt?! Hahaha… I never bought a gadget again– never even got to use the darn thing! Oh the shame, the utter embarrassment! lol!

    I’ve gotta’ look this BoB up now…

  3. “Give me an old-fashioned Tyrone, Michael, Matthew, or David any day…”

    So, no Fubs, huh…..?

    ::Storms out kicking rocks on way out….??

  4. “Give me an old-fashioned Tyrone, Michael, Matthew, or David any day…” So sorry that it has to be that way, but, then again, if it wasn’t, then I’m envious of an inanimate object. I think I’d rather be envious of a fellow male. I hope for your sake that you “get satisfied” soon and often (or at least get a good nights sleep). Gadgets for men? Unsightly, unwieldy, and oh so looked down upon by the rest of society. I mean, so I’ve heard. I couldn’t actually say so from 1st hand experience. This is what they tell me, anyway. Funny tale, and quite daring of you, if I must say. That a good thing, though. By the way – RITA Alert!!! You so c-r-a-z-y. Peace.

  5. lmaooo!! Girly I don’t get it either. someone got me one as a gift and I wanted to give it back. It did nothing for me at all and I can please myself better with just my damn imagination if I need to lol. Soak BOB in some bleach and send him packin lol

  6. Toys don’t really do that much for me in general, but I got this free bullet when I threw a toy party and I tried it with some “pleasure enhancing cream” (I forgot the actual name) and it was going for a while and I was thinking “Fuck. Dud once again” (this was the third toy I’d tried in my life) and then all of a sudden I moved it a little into a different position and BAM, I started seeing stars. I came so hard I think everyone in the building heard me.

    During the toy party the lady was also selling this g-spot type thing that looked amazing…maybe you just need to find the right kind of toy for you. *shrugs*

    I do prefer the real thing, though, despite the stars I saw with the toy that time, I haven’t used it since.

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