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Happy To Be Nappy?

Last week I had all the relaxer cut off and I am now rocking a short natural hair style. I made the decision about a couple of months ago to do this just for the summer. Although, everyone I have said that to tells me I will become so accustomed to the ease of it that I will not go back to the relaxer. However, I beg to differ – today.

Let me explain why.

I didn’t realize that I associated my femininity/attractiveness with my hair. I have worn both long and short styles and everything in between – all with permed/relaxed hair though.

I no longer feel feminine – I feel as if I have lost that feminine edge. Looking at myself in the mirror, I don’t see that fly fashion forward funky woman.

Now I see, and know, women, beautiful women, with short natural hairstyles who are uber feminine but that is not how I am seeing myself at the moment.

Chocl8t's Mom

When speaking to a close male friend about this, he asked “what can you do to feel more feminine?”. To which I replied, not much more than wearing lip gloss everyday and large hoop earrings. He assured me that my femininity does not reside in my hair but rather in my demeanor, how I carry myself, and my attitude – that fact that I have boobs and bootay doesn’t hurt either. Yeah, he’s a funny guy. 🙂

I mentioned the same thing to a girlfriend who had a slightly different view. She thinks it’s because of the social/cultural conditioning to which many black women have fallen prey – our natural hair isn’t beautiful or good enough. Subsequently we spend most, if not all, of our lives and a large sum of money in the pursuit of that European standard of beauty.

I have had my hair chemically treated since I was fourteen years old and had forgotten what my “natural” hair texture was like. Fortunately, I am getting re-aquainted with my waves and curl pattern. But I have to be honest, I do not see “me”. Or maybe I do see me, naturally, but I am not quite comfortable with her – yet.

Have I been brainwashed to think my beauty/femininity lies in my chemically straightened hair whether long or short? Maybe.

Will I keep it this way? Not sure.

Do I regret the decision to cut my hair? No, because it has forced me to peel back yet another layer an examine myself again.

I know I will, along with my hair, grow from this experience.

Accent Challenge

TUMBLR ACCENT CHALLENGE!

– Your name and username.

– Where you’re from.

– Pronounce the following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Pajamas, Caught, Naturally, Aluminium, GIF, Tumblr, Crackerjack, Doorknob, Envelope, GPOY.

– What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

– What is a bubbly carbonated drink called?

– What do you call gym shoes?

– What do you call your grandparents?

– What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?

– What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

– Choose a book and read a passage from it.

– Do you think you have an accent?

– Be a wizard or a vampire?

– Do you know anyone on Tumblr in real life?

– End audio post by saying any THREE words you want

So Long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Goodbye…

I have always taken great pride in the fact I had several friendships for more than 20+ years. To me, it was a reflection of my stability, faithfulness, loyalty and commitment to those relationships.

In recent years though, I have found it necessary to weed out a few of those friendships that existed in name only – friendships that no longer supported my personal growth and subsequently the person I had evolved into. We no longer shared common interests nor held the same philosophical beliefs.

Girlfriends

On more than one occasion I  found myself defending my beliefs and my decision on how I chose to live my life to people who just did not get it. Not to mention the many times I ended up scratching my head in response to some off-based, immature, self-serving personal ideology expressed by all of these “friends”. Too many times the thought crossed my mind that I was walking among aliens – always feeling like the “odd man out”.

One time in particular, me and these three “friends” were discussing one friend’s decision to have a child without getting married and no real plans to have the father in the child’s life. Her “dream” was that we would all have children within the same age range and raise them together. These dream children would grow up to be friends – like us.

After expressing my support for this friend and her decision, I explained that this would not be the route for me for I believe a child needs both parents and I would not embark upon the difficult path of single motherhood knowingly and willingly. I stood my ground even in the face of these “friends” assuring me I would not be alone because they would be there for me.

Most rational, logically thinking persons can see the fallacy in that “argument/assurance”. However, I found myself pointing out to them that at the end of the day the responsibility of feeding, clothing, nurturing, and educating said child will fall squarely at my feet. It wasn’t something to take lightly or enter into haphazardly. This concept seemed to be lost on them because in the same conversation one person so eloquently referred to me as a “fantasy bitch”.

Yes. You read that right!

Because of my logical rationale…I was living in a fantasy world.

::DEEP SIGH::

Needless to say it was all downhill from there. However, it still took a few years for me to get to where I am today having removed each of them from my life.

Why so long you might wonder? Well, again, I had known these ladies for a large part of my adult life and reasoned that people do not always agree but can remain friends. I had 20+ years invested in these relationships and to just walk away seemed wrong to me.

It wasn’t until a conversation with another girlfriend about my reluctance to release the last of these friends that I had my “aha” moment. We were discussing how this relationship had deteriorated over time and how it left me feeling deflated. The friendship had become one-sided and burdensome – a virtual albatross on my spirit. She said to me, “You’re holding on to this last friendship like people do with bad marriages because they feel like they’ve put in so much time and effort. But the relationship has reached its peak and is no longer growing or evolving. How long will you hold on to something that is, by all accounts, dead?”

That stopped me in my tracks.

It was at that moment I realized it was okay to cut the ties. The relationship was no longer working for me and it was okay to set it free and to free myself from the weight of it all.

I realized my decision to walk away from this friendship did not reflect negatively on me. It did not mean I was a flaky individual unable of sustaining a friendship because the years I remained a loyal faithful friend proved otherwise.

What it does mean is that I have the courage to move forward, to grow, to evolve and I realize that everyone will not be a part of nor bear witness to this evolvement.

To those friends of my past – I wish you the best.

So long.

Farewell.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Goodbye.

Reason? Season? Lifetime?

A friendship has shifted. A friendship has changed.

The catalyst to this change has been me. Change is the result of growth. Growth brought about Knowledge which fostered Vision.

Vision has allowed me to see people, places, and things as they ARE and not as I wish them to be.

So I can’t say I did not see this coming, therefore, I am not surprised.

Should I write about it? Is it worth the time? I have a sense of calm and peace about the outcome and dare I say it, a sense of relief. So why give it more thought and energy than it deserves?

Reason.

Season.

Lifetime.

The season has passed.

A friendship has ended.

The Cougar Convo

Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t like the term “Cougar” when referring to older woman/younger man relationships. The term has negative connotations.

Don’t believe me? Check out the “definitions” on Urban Dictionary.

Here’s a sample:

(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. “Man is cougar’s number one prey”

Millions of them. More famously, Demi and Ashton, Naomi Watts and Heath Ledger, Joan Collins and her hubby, Cameron and Justin, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.

::deep sigh::

Barring my utter disdain for the term, I had a rather amusing conversation with a close male friend, who is eight years my junior by the way, on the topic.

Chocl8t: why did the old man in Kroger get fresh with me? lol
That Dude: thats new?
That Dude: 🙂
Chocl8t: …..
That Dude: im sayin
Chocl8t: he caught me off guard
That Dude: lol
Chocl8t: i asked for 2 pieces of chicken…thighs
Chocl8t: him: you want 2 thighs? *dirty old man grin*
Chocl8t: da hell LOL
That Dude: lmao niiice
That Dude: if i worked in food service i would use that one too  lol
Chocl8t: ………..
That Dude: whaaat??
Chocl8t: that old man was old enough to be my daddy
That Dude: aand?
Chocl8t: again….you get the side eye
That Dude: well im gonna be lookin at hips n ass till i die
That Dude: i dont see the problem lol
That Dude: and being that you’re a cougar…
That Dude: it makes sense that u dont look at the older cats like that  lmaooooo

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